Child Abuse Story From Laura
by Laura
(USA)
Eldest Children can be targeted too:
I know the reason my mother targeted me was that I was unplanned and completely unwanted. She found out she was pregnant when she was 4 months along, and was told that an abortion was out of the question. I was born 10 days late, and because of that my mother could not go back to teaching that year (August baby). After that, my father decided she should stay at home with me.
BAD IDEA. I was beaten daily until I started school. I was locked in my room from the moment I got off the bus to the moment my father came home from work. If I wet the floor, I was beaten. If I made any noise, I was beaten. If I did ANYTHING wrong, regardless of what it was or if I even knew it was wrong, I was beaten. My golden child little brother, however, was BRILLIANT, perfect, beautiful, etc. I think my abuse changed him as well, though. I still love my brother; it wasn't his fault. It turns out I has Aspergers Syndrome (my son has it too); but of course, back then, it was not even on the radar as a diagnosis. So I was just this awful person.
The physical abuse ended when I turned the tables on her in desperation. I was not going down the stairs again. At the top of the flight, I flipped my wrists from her hands, grabbed her wrists and wrestled us away from the stairwell. I then told her if she ever hit me again, I knew where she slept and I knew where the knives were. At most, at age 12, I would be in Juvenile Detention until I was 18, and then I'd be out with a sealed record. And she'd be dead.
I left as soon as I could. I got along with my father very well, but my relationship with my mother was still very contentious. The verbal and emotional abuse I endured still, because my father asked me to continue the relationship. I dropped out of college for money reasons; however, for some reason there was enough money to send my brother through a Masters degree. Everything I did, everything I touched was worthless.
However, today I realized how much calmer the past 4 years have been. Then it struck me that my mother died almost exactly 4 years ago. I no longer answer the phone, unsure whether the person on the other end will tell me what a horrible person I am. I feel rather badly actually that I did not cry at her deathbed, when we took her off of the ventilator. My brother and my father were distraught. I was relieved. I didn't cry at her funeral, although everyone else, from her nieces and nephews, to her friends and neighbors all did. "What a lovely woman." They didn't know her like I did. It is sad that I do not mourn her death, but rather have happiness and relief in my belief that God knows what she did and she is being punished. My husband and children are always my focus and they are wonderful. My father is dating a very nice woman and he seems very happy in his 70's. Life can go on, just not the way I hoped at 4 years old.
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