Child Abuse Story From Laura2

by Laura
(Marshall, North Carolina, USA)

Not the childhood I wanted: 
I grew up in the small town of Marshall, North Carolina. Marshall will remind you of Mayberry from the Andy Griffith Show, yeah it's that tiny. I've lived here forever and there's not much to do. I was a pretty good kid. I have a younger sister named Hannah, and she is a character. Hannah is three years younger than me and at about the time she turned 1, my life started slipping away.

While my mom and dad were at work, I'd stay with my great-grandparents. My mamaw was always good to all of us. She'd make us home-made biscuits and gravy, and let us play video games (you remember the old Nintendo with Mario). It was my papaw that turned my world upside down. I only remember one of the incidents. That's it. I asked God to let me forget the others, and he did. My papaw would take me into the house, back to one of the bedrooms and offer me anything from ice cream sandwiches to Tums. Then he would start touching me, mainly in my lower body. And he would fondle me for a while, and then that would be it. It happened so often that I thought it was normal in some sick, twisted way, but it was far from normal.

When I'd get in the car with my mom, she'd ask, "What's wrong with you?" And I'd always say, "Nothing, I'm just tired." In reality, I knew what he was doing to me was horrible and not right, but I knew that if I told my mom she would either not believe me, or it would tear my family apart. So, I kept my mouth shut and let it continue to happen. I can't tell you how many times it happened, because I blocked out that part of my childhood which haunted me every, single day. So I lived with it. I lived with the guilt I felt and somehow always managed to blame myself for the things he did to me. I let it run my life until I was in the 8th grade, and I finally said, "Enough is enough. This will no longer haunt me every day and it will no longer control my life." And I started being happy again. I started opening myself up and letting others see what I had to offer. It was hard, don't get me wrong and it took a long time, but I did it. I'm not writing this down just to get some recognition, I swear that's not what I'm about. I realized that this might help someone who's dealing with this. And if I can help one person overcome this pain, it will be worth everything.

I realized one day that I'm one of the lucky ones. Some kids out there never, ever get over it and they can never love or let anyone in, because they are so afraid of getting hurt. I'm sure some have wound up in mental institutions or having to go see therapists, and I want to help them. I want to be able to say, "I helped that one person get through their pain." It's so hard to forget something so tragic after it's happened to you. You feel betrayed and you blame yourself. I use to tell myself that if only I had done something different, if only I had told someone. If only. I'm just glad it happened to me and not my sister.

Please, please, please don't blame yourself because it's not your fault. It's the sick bastard's fault who thought he could do it to you and get away with it. Luckily my pain ended when I was 6, because that's when he fell dead in my aunt's yard from a massive heart attack. And I believe that he is paying for what he did to me, so why should I have to pay for it every day? I'm 19 years old now and a freshman at University. I'm majoring in Elementary Education and vowed that I would tell my story. I have a wonderful boyfriend now and I'm not afraid to let people in anymore. This is my life and I'm taking control of it.

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