Child Abuse Story From L

by L.
(USA)

My Shameful Childhood: 
Father died when I was 8, sister 10, brother 13. Mother is from Japan where the male is dominant. My brother has always been evil, vile and disgusting. I am 46 now.

After my father died I became a punching bag, as did my sister, but mostly me. My mother let my brother beat us mercilessly daily. I was punched over and over, had my head banged on walls, slapped, kicked, yelled at, swore at and so viciously beaten daily that I wouldn't be able to read at school. My body would ache from all the beatings. Got beat up in the middle of the street, in front of friends for no reason and lived in filth. My brother screamed and swore at us that I took out a butter knife at age 8 for protection and even once kicked him the groin for protection. Was thrown around rooms, and bedroom door was broken down several times and had to be replaced. Still see self and sister screaming trying to hold the door up for protection as it was beaten down.

By age 9 I was wanting to kill myself and used to pretend I came from a normal family. When I saw my brother walking up the street from school every day I would shake and cry because I knew I'd get beaten. I can still see my sister get her head beat in the bunk bed and screaming. Or my brother whipping my sister with a belt to wake her up from falling asleep in the car. Getting my thighs slapped with all of his might at the most tender spot of my legs that it burned over and over while he was yelling, "Say you're sorry." I can recall begging my mother to let me get my ears pierced and getting a beat down in order to have my ears pierced.

I was called every racial epitaph and F'n "C" my whole life that it was normal. Mother let brother control everything in our home. He lived there till he was 48 and ran my sister and I out of the house when we were in our teens. House was so filthy that he destroyed the home and there were rats and filth in the house. He would urinate on the toilet seat. I used to go to school filthy and stunk. Weeds in the yard were like 6 feet tall and people made fun of us being from the dirty house.

My mother never protected us. We would beg her to do something, and she chose him. She let him control us and everything we did. We weren't allowed to make noise and weren't allowed to do anything. She even had the TV in his room when we were kids. (We had to ask permission to go in his room.) My brother would call boyfriends to take away my happiness and break up relationships when I was in high school.

Now that I am comfortable and live thousands of miles away, they want to be in my life. I had to remodel my mother's home and I am the one who she wants to visit, and when I think back on my life I feel like I want to be left alone. (Mother is now 82). I spent the whole life time being put down and treated like an animal that when I did well they want to be in my life.

When I was 18 and wanted to go to college. I was discouraged. When I graduated from college and married well, they act like what I have been through doesn't matter. It took me a whole life time to find love, the right kind. All my life I was looking for love and never knew the reason why I needed to be loved. Now that I am older I can see why.

My sister left home and never looked back. Till this day she has nothing to do with anyone in the family. We all live our own lives, but family won't seem to leave me alone. They only want to be in my life for financial or because of my husband's position. They never wanted anything to do with me before. My husband has been so verbally abused by my brother that he has been banned from our lives.

As a child, I couldn't get phone calls because he'd pound the walls when my friends would call and people couldn't come over because he fought with everyone. Nice friends no longer wanted to be friends with me or weren't allowed to play with me and my childhood was robbed. To this day my brother is not sorry.

When my ex-husband was abusive with me and I went home for protection, I got screamed at from him that I turned around and went back to the abuse in order to not hear the yelling. (This is when I still lived in the same state.)

I went my whole adult life being forgiving and then he came to my home and continually taunted me with the stuff he's done. Over and over my husband told him not to talk about it because I go into depression. Didn't matter, he continued to bring up the breaking down doors.

It's has been so embarrassing to have someone continually take take take and use me and be abusive.

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