Child Abuse Story From Kristen

Child Abuse Story From Kristen

by Kristen
(Connecticut, USA)

Everyone is kinda in denial. I don't think my story is crazy extreme as some of the ones that I have read. I just remember getting teased endlessly by my dad and brother as a kid, and it wasn't just a joke.

My mom yelled and hit and is very controlling, and she doesn't know how to be nice. She manipulates me for medical attention. Ever since I was little, I've been constantly chronically sick...food allergies, major stomach problems, anxiety, depression, and now I have all that and thyroid and PTSD and dissociation issues.

When I was 16, my mom wouldn't help get me into a rehab facility when I had anorexia. All my mom ever tells me is that she always did the best she could...I know she is mentally ill, but I'm the kid and I needed help. She is just plain hard on me, but she lets my brother get away with hell. He works more than he goes to college. If I did that, I would get a load...they are paying both our college tuitions, thank god, or else I would have totally left. My brother gets away with being a plain a-hole and I'm a nice person. I'm just troubled, but somehow I'm the screw-up who can't do anything thing right. My dad doesn't even want me to go to doctors. Sometimes I feel so bad that I can't even make it through the day without taking naps or I oversleep. He just tells me to deal with it. Basically summers are hell and being at home is hell. Commitments suck for me. I have the hardest time having a committed relationship...hasn't happened yet.

Before I come home from college, I start getting nightmares. My dad told me that he would never come home because he didn't want to deal with my mom and that he didn't stick up for me because he didn't want to fight with her. But he's still an ass any way.

I started cutting at 15. It's a high. Don't ask why. People wonder, but I can't explain. It's sick, I know. I love danger. I laugh when I do something dangerous. I like sticking needles through my body...piercings. I've binged hardcore and OD-ed on charcoal pills...yes, hard to do...but 20 a day for 1.5 weeks screwed my liver up. My mom didn't want to take me to a doctor, then she didn't want to take me to a hospital, and then she didn't want to take me to rehab...hmmmmm...is that still the best she could do? I became an alcoholic. I'm very bitter. I can't even drink like regular college kids. I've got that "let's get trashed" personality, which is bad.

I got clean this August; all by myself, I may add. But off course, my mother still wasn't happy and some people found out and all hell broke lose. Then later, I heard no one believed me anyway...good grief! I'm taking meds now...but really, I just still feel plain lifeless and lonely...just not suicidal. I wanna be left alone half the time and the world is shitty. But art makes it better...pass it on!

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Child Abuse Story From Kristen

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Dec 18, 2007

Choices
by: Darlene Barriere - webmaster

Kristen, what happened to you should never have happened. Your mother and father should have been more loving. They should have been there for you when you needed them the most.

Now, as a young adult in college now, you have choices, Kristen. You can choose to continue to hate the world for letting you down, or you can choose to embrace the world and work with it to make a better life for yourself. You certainly have the strength; you proved that when you quit drinking all by yourself last August. CONGRATULATIONS!!! That takes tremendous intestinal fortitude!

And I hope you've stopped cutting. I understand why you do it; it's not just a high and an adrenalin rush, it's a way to remove yourself from the unbearable emotional pain. Physical pain is so much easier to deal with than the excruciating emotional stuff. If there's an opportunity for you to get into counselling, I strongly urge you to do so. The right counsellor will be able to help you sort through your anger and hostility, and hopefully, your self-harming behaviour.

Stay clean, Kristen.

Dec 18, 2007

Wow
by: LLS Buffalo

Hi Kristen,
As I read your story there was so much of it that felt as though I had written it myself. I was the good kid in the family and my parents seemed to spend all their time and efforts on the baddest one. It was that way until my mother and father died. Always the bad one. My mom was like yours, yelling hitting, and manipulating. She was a schizophrene. I used to hate my father for dieing of cancer when I was 12 cuz he essentially abandoned me and left me with her. She had me all alone. It was a scarey life. I could not figure it out why I was the kid like you who could never please my mom. I think maybe our moms picked a special one to control. It's kinda like a bully picking the sweetest kid to go after? Do you think it was that? They do choose their victims.
Im sorry you hated summers and your dad didnt stick up for you more. I know it sucks to have parents like ours. Im so sorry to have read a story that I could feel like yours. Please dont let yourself fall into the hole they tried to dig for you. I always grew up knowing I would get out of there and be more successful than any of them. I always wanted them to look over at me and say 'damn her, how the hell did she end up so happy and well-off?' That's pretty much what I want for you. I think you will be a good mommy someday because you know all the things to avoid. Please forge ahead. Be strong Kristen. Screw them and what they think about you. Your life now. It's all you. Best wishes. LLS Buffalo (story and recovery are posted)

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Dec 18, 2007
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Submitted by: LLS Buffalo

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Hi Kristen, As I read your story there was so much of it that felt as though I had written it myself. I was the good kid in the family and my parents seemed to spend all their time and efforts on the baddest one. It was that way until my mother and father died. Always the bad one. My mom was like yours, yelling hitting, and manipulating. She was a schizophrene. I used to hate my father for dieing of cancer when I was 12 cuz he essentially abandoned me and left me with her. She had me all alone. It was a scarey life. I could not figure it out why I was the kid like you who could never please my mom. I think maybe our moms picked a special one to control. It's kinda like a bully picking the sweetest kid to go after? Do you think it was that? They do choose their victims. Im sorry you hated summers and your dad didnt stick up for you more. I know it sucks to have parents like ours. Im so sorry to have read a story that I could feel like yours. Please dont let yourself fall into the hole they tried to dig for you. I always grew up knowing I would get out of there and be more successful than any of them. I always wanted them to look over at me and say 'damn her, how the hell did she end up so happy and well-off?' That's pretty much what I want for you. I think you will be a good mommy someday because you know all the things to avoid. Please forge ahead. Be strong Kristen. Screw them and what they think about you. Your life now. It's all you. Best wishes. LLS Buffalo (story and recovery are posted)

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Dec 18, 2007

Wow I know how you feel
by: Chrissy

I'm so sorry about the things you've went through. You should how ever be proud of yourself. The fact that you have recognized you have issues and you know where they stem from. Means you on a track most people who have been abused can only dream about. Your not in denial so that means you are ready to heal. So you do all you can to heal. because Abuse is a vicious cycle. The only way to insure you are a repeater is to get educated in child development and early child development, and proper child discipline. The more you know the better prepared you'll be. usually abuse stems from expecting to much from a child and becoming frustrated to the point of violence. So if you know what to expect you wont expect to much and there will be no need to become stressed.

You are on the road to healing so good luck,

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Child Abuse Story From Kristen

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Child Abuse Story From Kristen