Child Abuse Story From KJA Part 3

by KJA
(Location Undisclosed)

The cameras. Because I'm anti social, i spend a lot of time online and in chat rooms, i have friends on msn, skype, and such and i talk to them a lot and even told my story to a few, but one thing i wont do with them is video chat, i don't have a problem with the mic, but cameras scare me just like my nightmares. Its mostly the lens and the clicking sound, and the thought of a sick person taking pictures of me. I try to avoid cameras as much as possible but now a days there everywhere. and eventually ill have to have my picture taken. the only one i have so far is my ID done, that was a really shitty day. I have to do a student ID at my college soon and i don't want to. Guess that's life. when i get asked for a picture of myself or to video chat, i just say no, or that i don't do that or something of that sort, but then the person always wants to show me them so i let them after they beg me. I don't like it when I'm pressured into video chats or when people make fun of me for being shy or "afraid of cameras" its not that simple. Its a fear that i cant explain, it scares me to the point of tears and blacking out. I don't know why it effects me so much, but i know why it effects me.

My neighbor loved to take pictures of me, outside, in the pool, on the porch, around the neighborhood, at the park, anywhere, he was always snapping away. He also liked to take pictures of us doing naughty stuff to each other, and he liked to video tape it. He had several cameras, but the one he used for the basement bedroom was the biggest and scariest, it was like looking in a long tunnel of death and darkness. He also liked to hit me with his camera's if i said no to him or anything against him.

The first time he violated me, one of the things he hit me with was his camera on his nightstand, in my dreams i can still feel the lens hit my side and make a painful impression, some nights i awake in pain like i just got a beating and was violated. My Nightmares and my fears are holding me back in life, I don't have many friends, i don't like taking pictures, i don't do a lot of things because of fear and darkness, i just want to wake up from my nightmare and destroy his cameras but I'm always too small, always to weak, even when i tell myself he cant hurt me anymore, my mind, my fear, proves me wrong. How much therapy do i need to wake up and live my life?

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