Child Abuse Story From Kelsea1
(West Virginia, USA)
Child Abuse Story Without Healing:
I am not writing this for others to lose hope. I simply do not know how to heal, and it has been five years. I cannot see how anything with what has happened has become any easier.
My best friend's former stepfather molested me when I was 13 years old. It happened during a Halloween party while we were all drinking. I told him that he shouldn't be doing it. I never said an actual "no" even though I wanted to, and I didn't fight back. With that and being intoxicated, I have always believed it was my fault. If I wasn't drunk, it wouldn't have happened. If I had screamed, someone would have heard. But I was too scared.
I kept this secret for a year, and I then told my mother. She didn't believe me. At that time I had picked a fight with my best friend simply because I didn't know how to deal with it and thought no one would believe me. My mother believed because of that fight I was just making it up.
A month after the molestation I lost my virginity. I had no self-worth at all. Before the incident happened I wanted to wait for marriage, for that time to be special, but after that it seemed that since my innocence was already taken, I had no value. To this day my family does not know about him. At first, I didn't think I was really raped, even though I said no and to stop. Something in my mind made it to where it was ok that he did that to me. That I should have just given in.
After the molestation and rape happened, I followed a road of very hard drugs and promiscuous sex. I became sober when I was 17 after being put into placement for truancy. I have given away things that I can never get back. I have been a person I never wanted to be after these things happened. I still feel a constant need for affection. I still have nightmares. If I am at my house, I will go days without sleeping and usually I can never sleep by myself.
While in placement I had given my first abusers name and it was investigated. It went to court and he was found not guilty. After it was brought to public what had happened, my best friend admitted he had been doing the same to her since she was 9. He has been found guilty for some of her charges. There were 17 all together. He was found not guilty for 10, guilty for two, and the other charges are with a hung jury.
It seems that any time I have talked about this it has just messed me up more, but I'm glad I came forward for my friend. I don't know that she ever would have if I hadn't...more things happened to her and she seems to deal with it better. I don't know why I can't with mine. I don't know how I will ever be healed, but I know I still have a very long road ahead of me.
I hope more than anything that my story will show girls that you do still have worth and value and to still go on to be what you have wanted. Because you were handled in that way before, doesn't mean that that is all you have to give.Darlene's comments to this "Child Abuse Story From Kelsea1" can be found at Comments below this submission. Depending on system activity, there are sometimes delays in comments going live on my site; but rest assured, they do eventually appear. So if you don't yet see them, I hope you will return later to read what I, and possibly others, have written. I thank you for your patience and understanding.Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited, and could result in being banned from making further comments on this site.