Child Abuse Story From Kayla M

by Kayla
(Virginia, USA)

I loved my oldest cousin, C--. He always loved me, and played with me. He was my favorite.
But, then it happened the first time when I was 7 and he was 15. We went to my room to play. He told me to sit on my little couch with him, and I did. We sat there for a minute, then he started kissing me. I didn't know what to do, how to react, or what to think. My mind went totally blank. I didn't want him to, but I thought to myself, 'it'll all be over'... That was the last time I saw him for years.
When I was in 7th grade, I was 13. It was the night of March 27th. We were alone in the hotel room. I was laying in the bed, and it was dark. He laid down beside me, and stared to touch me... I wanted him to stop. I didn't know what to do. He put his hands on me.. That led to more things. The rest of my 7th grade year was hell. I was depressed. I ended up trying to block it out.. and, last year, in 8th grade, all through March, it all came out. I was in a deep depression. It got worst from there. I was depressed the rest of the year. I began to cut. I've cut for a long time now, and still struggle with it. I planned to just give up everything. Life was bad. I had no hope. I planned to kill myself the second week of this school year. Someone from my church found out and told. I was sent to a hospital for a while. I am getting help. I haven't cut in like, one or two weeks. I'm struggling. It's a really bad addiction.

My cousin ruined my life. I'm only 15. I don't remember what happiness feels like anymore, I don't even remember the last time I was really happy. I'm glad I've gotten help, but the pain still lingers. I see the scars I made, all over my body every day. I see the image of my cousin's face everyday. So yeah, I was suicidal, and I was able to be strong, find the light, and follow God's way. I hope to talk to kids my age, younger, and even adults about my life, and encourage them to be strong and to keep living. If I can do it, being 15.. I think anyone could. It's hard, extremely. But, life is worth it. Life will never be perfect.

Never do something permanently stupid just because you are temporarily upset. You wont be sad forever, believe it or not. I want to help people who go through stuff like this, because I want to save life's. Please, be strong.

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