Child Abuse Story From Karlie

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Child Abuse Story From Karlie

by Karlie
(Utah, USA)

I was molested by my older brother, J--, from the age of 8 to 12 years old. He would touch me and play "games" with me and my younger brother, often manipulating us into doing things to him. My parents didn't know what was happening until one time my mom walked in on J-- molesting my little sister. After my mom discovered what was happening, she took each of us and talked to us individually. She told me that J-- had molested my little sister, and asked if he had ever done that to me. I felt like it was my fault that J-- had molested my little siblings because I didn't expose him sooner. So I lied about what had happened when I was talking to my mom and told her only a few of the details because I was scared I'd get in trouble. While my mom was talking to me she told me that I needed to make sure not to tell anyone what had happened, because if I did, J-- could be taken away. I was really scared. After that, my family never talked about it again. J-- was never allowed to be home alone with us. He was never allowed to stay up late at night or have us in his room. But he was always around. The thing is that J--, for as long as I can remember, was addicted to pornography. I honestly don't think it was in his nature to just abuse us. I think that because he was so addicted to pornography, his view of sexuality was so warped. He just used us as his real-life porn. After he got in trouble, J-- never molested me again. But to this day, he is still struggling with his addiction to pornography. I think that if J-- had not had so much access to pornography while he was growing up, he would not have molested me and my siblings. It's been a journey trying to process through it all. I realized one thing though, J-- never meant to degrade me personally. He wasn't thinking that maliciously. I think he was so sexualized, he didn't realize the affect that it could have on me. Now, years later, I have been to therapy, and I feel like I've been able to heal from it all.

Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coach

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Child Abuse Story From Karlie

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Jul 07, 2011

Karlie:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I'm delighted that you've gone to therapy to deal with what happened to you at the hands of your brother. My first thought about the whole situation is who gave him access to porn in the first place. This was a form of sexual abuse. But I also don't buy into the "it was the pornography that made him do it" reasoning, though it may well have contributed. Chances are, J-- was himself sexually offended against by someone. And though he never again molested you, it's highly likely that without some form of treatment, treatment that wouldn't "cure" him but would help him to curb his sexualized behaviours, he continued to molest, possibly children in other households. When your mother swept it under the carpet and used the "he'll get taken away" card to ensure you all kept this secret, she betrayed you and your family. She continued to put you all at risk, and she sent J-- the message that what he did would be met with secrecy. In other words, he could get away with the behaviour. That's a powerful message to send to a child. And the message you and your siblings got was that your brother was more important than each of you were. I do hope you now realize that what happened was not your fault, and that you did nothing wrong. I do hope the therapy helped you to understand that. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jul 07, 2011

ditto
by: Anonymous

Same thing, only my Mother didnt' actually talk to me about what happened. I felt blamed. I was seven, he was eleven and a half - he performed fellatio on me in front of our other brother.
Sex and shame followed me - I but I also thought it was "okay". I played "james bond" and "marilyn monroe" games with girls my own age. I was terrified of being with children later because of the memories of playing games with my little girl friends. The friends didn't complain about me, but I believe they were frightened by what I was doing. I was. I learned that I learned to behave that way because there were no real consequences for my brother behaving sexually towards me.
I remember once I told someone that my brother "wet his bed" and my mother was angry with me. She was always angry with me and I just remember feeling sick around her all the time. She was an alcoholic and out of control most of the time. I felt sorry for her, but I was more frightened of myself. Life was scary and unpredictable. Lots of domestic violence. Everyone tried to be normal, but I started not being able to stop myself from going to the bathroom on the way home on the bus from school. That made my Mother angry, too.
She died in a car crash in which my father was driving when I was nine. Sex and violence became the same to me, but I became promiscuous after high school. I was institutionalized for two years ages 19-21 from the reaction I had to acting out sexually.I am now 57. I have been married for 23 years with no children, but I have horrific flashbacks to my sexualized like as a young person. I live with a very kind man, but we don't have sex anymore. I am relieved and grateful he loves me and doesn't need to have sex to prove it. But my past does haunt me. I talk with counselors about it. They agree I was dealing with a really sick family. They are amazed I survived.
I have this incredible faith from seeing my older sister do well in life. She taught me that I can never treat anyone the way my parents treated each other and to marry someone happy.
I took both those lessons to heart. But the flashbacks are really hard to take.
I do get help and reading other people's stories makes a difference too. It's amazing what people have suffered and yet still just want to be good people. I admire the human spirit. And I thank God for the good people I have known in my life. One good person loving you makes all the difference in the world. And I have had many good people love me... and I love them.

Jul 08, 2011

You are so Brave: I really belive this is for good in your life
by: maurice

Karlie: It happened to you and Darlene has written you a comment that I pray and hope will help you get on with living your life to the full: Like your honesty in sharing your story of a siblings abuse she likewise has been loving, supporting, encourageing you to move on in your life: Great you are in therapy: Good on you: Stay in it and stay in education: The shame was what your mother was afraid of that your brother's abuse of you and your sister would bring on the family and her in particualar: Fear kept you from telling her he molested you and your brother and sister: She should have sought professional help immediately for all of you especially YOUR brother; Be safe, Stay safe, you will understand Darlene's comment when she affirms you for being in therapy: When she also atates that your brother could be molesting other children because he has'nt gotten counselling: He, may well have been abused by some sicko who had him watching pornography with him: He needs counselling: You now are the most important person in this story: You are getting therapy, which will help you put all that happened to you into perspective: Karlie, please begin TODAY having a healthy mind in a healthy body: This in turn will benefit you greatly: Get out there with young people your own age and gender taking part particularly in team sports: or sporting and cultural activities: You'll make real and natural friends for life and have loads cheering you up as aquaintances from within your team mates: You are gifted, you are tallented, I've no doubt you have leadership qualities to share with them: Be gentle and kind on yourself, be in charge of your own destiny above all build wholesome relationships with the opposite sex: Have them value and respect you for the great and good person you are in your own right: Stay with therapy Darlene's know best: She wants the best for you; I WANT THE BEST FOR MYSELF:

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Child Abuse Story From Karlie

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