Child Abuse Story From Julia
by Julia
(Pennsylvania, USA)
It's so much clouds to get through before the sky becomes clear to healing:
This is a very hard situation to deal with for me because the abuse I endured as a child has partly become me as an adult. I use to live with my mom majority all my life I would see my father once in a blue moon. To make the story a little short I was in a fire at the age of 8 I was thrown out of a 3rd story window. I landed on the concrete pavement I was so messed up. I had second degree burns to my shoulder, ear and hair. My right eye was smashed,I also broke both of my wrists and I had damage to the right side of my brain which I lost part of my memory from when I was younger. So anything really that happen with my dad being there for me I don't remember. My mom had a hard life when she was younger to so when she had me she wanted her freedom. I was often left over different people houses and was molested. My mom then got on drugs I saw so many things I shouldnt of seen and I was neglected. When I was 12 by then my dad had resurfaced and she ask him to take care of me.I was so happy to see my dad he was the only thing that I felt I had security with. So time went bye and I began to know A whole different person. From the age of 14 to 22 I went through physical and verbal abuse from my dad. He never sexually abused me but I was never able to make no mistakes if I did I would be called the most worst names you can think of. I was always on pins and needle around him alway;s scared. My dad made me do everything for him and I tried so hard to do it right. I got pregnant at 18 and had a baby girl he made me feel like she was his child I couldnt really be a mom to her because he made the decisions for me. I one day left my dad house with my daughter with the clothes we had and never went back. I am now married with 4 kids and my life is a living hell still. My children are being raised opposite of me Im proud of that but my marriage is crazy. I love my husband but I am still dealing with trying to be perfect and not make mistakes and when I do his reaction is a put down also, I feel worthless. I been like this for the past 15 years now since I moved from my dad. Making mistakes and failures is killing me inside. I feel like I dont know how to be human.I teach my children in life were going to make mistakes its part of growing but for me I dont feel that way. My relationship with my dad had been up and down. I seem to give him what he wants when he satrts to show love I feel like Im being wheeled in but then the angry man comes back. I just don't know how to get my life together. I recently made the most worsiest mistake in my life and now it keeps running through my mind everyday I keep crying I feel so mixed up inside I just don't know what to do. My dad keeps coming up in my mind everythime I don something wrong I hear his voice. I deal with depression, anxiety. My husband is a good man but I dont know what people see in me to think that I cant make mistakes. My husband can say and do things to me and I will forgive him of course it hurts me but I just try to move on after he appologizes but when I say or do something he reacts as he hates me and it really eats me up insiide. It brings me back to my dad... Im sorry I wrote so much stuff I planned on writing a little but it just kept coming out. I will continue to keep all of you in my prayers, please do the same for me....
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