Child Abuse Story From Josephine

by Josephine
(South Carolina, USA)

Taking action: 
Today my younger sister called me to tell me she filed a report of child abuse against our father.

I should tell you that my parents divorced when we were very young. My mom left my dad because he was possessive and would hit her. A few years after their divorce we would occasionally see our father at his mother's house (our grandma).

From the age of 8-13 I was sexually abused/molested by my father, and so was my sister. At that age I never realized what was happening, I just knew it made me feel inferior, scared and disgusted. He would 'accidentally' change the tv from cartoons to porn then switch back to cartoons. If we looked at the tv he would taunt and tease us for looking at the nude women. I would shut my eyes and cry. But how do you tell someone about that? How do you explain what he does? At that age I didn't know anyone could do anything about it.

Things got worse as the years went on. He would caress my leg, and try to go from my calf and higher up on my thigh. I would tell him to stop, then he'd say "I'm your father, I can do what I want--I made you" I would start yelling then he'd leave me alone. On even worse days, he'd pull my bathing suit bottoms down in the pool at my grandma's house and try to touch my rear end. The worse part about my grandma's house, is that I feel like my uncles and aunts, who would be there too, saw the signs of our abuse, but did nothing about it.

The touching, the taunting, the abuse got worse. He would wait till we were asleep and start rubbing our rear ends and nibbling on our ears. I know this, because I woke up while he was doing this. I couldn't move, I didn't move. And I hate myself for not doing anything. I was frightened and scared that he would hurt me.

For much of this time, I didn't know that this was abuse. I thought child abuse equals child rape or touching of the genitals. I felt helpless then and I feel stupid now. I wish I would have known what I know now and have stood up for myself and my little sister.

Now, I'm 22 and still as scared as ever. I've managed to suppress all of this after I cut my father from my life at the age of 14. I met a wonderful man who loves me, I've just graduated from college and completed my first internship. Life has been a breeze once I had put that past behind me. But when my sister called me today to tell me she filed a report and is pressing charges, I freaked. My bubble I had created these many years came crashing down. I cried, I was angry and I didn't want to have anything to do with this. I just wanted this to just all go away.

But then I talked to my sister, who is the complete opposite of my life. She constantly ran away from home when she was 16, she did drugs, got arrested, cuts herself and degrades herself for men. I realized that she needed this, and like it or not--I may need this too. She has been tormented by our shared past, she needs justice, solace, peace of mind, some closure.

Not everyone comes out of child abuse able to move on or remain unscathed. She needs my support and at first I wasn't willing to help because I wanted to preserve my way of life now. I didn't want the past to be a part of who I am, I didn't want 'him' to be a part of who I am. But after visiting this website, I do feel a little better about my sister's decision and I know she needs me more now than ever.

Has any one reported/filed child abuse before? What was the outcome? Is there any good that comes of it? Or did you feel like you were being dragged through the mud and being judged/pitied or being treated differently? Please help.

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