Child Abuse Story From Joe

by Joe
(London, UK)

My mum and dad split in the first year of me being born. I lived with my mother till I was about 6 years old. I was emotionally and physically abused by my mum and her new partner. Both had become heroin addicts.

One time, I saw them melting powder on foil with a lighter in the living room. My stepsister and I played up and Mum got her lighter, grabbed my arm and burned me with it. I remember screaming and pulling to the floor.

I remember being in the car quite a few times when Mum would say, "Shut it. No one wants to hear you sing!" I forgot, and she would punch me or try to smack me in the head - she could get very angry sometimes.

Mum was furious when I had accidentally found her heroin and spilled it. I got a 'hiding' (a threat I got a number of times) and also got burned for that as well.

There were many fights between both my mum and her boyfriend. One serious incident, I remember standing at the top of the staircase and seeing her boyfriend with a knife and my stepsister trying to stop it amidst a lot of shouting and screaming.

The house itself always stank of smoke and was very unhygienic - I politely asked my mum if there was any spare clean bedding, as the ones on my bed had lots of urine stains on them. She pinned me to the wall, pulling me back and forth. "Are you telling me my house stinks of piss, you little shit!" she shouted in my face. I felt very embarrassed. I didn't know what to say, and quickly apologized.

At a private garden place, which I'm guessing my mum and her boyfriend were going to get drugs, there was a minor car crash. I wasn't strapped in. I remember flying upwards and my head hit the back of the front seat - the feeling on my head was like no other pain I'd felt. They didn't take me to the hospital though.

I missed about half my schooling for the first two years, as my mum either didn't take me to school or I was brought in really late - I felt bad, and even a few years later, I would get upset for being late to things.

There were a number of raids into the house from police and also heroin dealers. I felt very frightened, and thought I was in trouble and was going to get hit or taken away.

One time, a fire happened in the bedroom because cloth had been left over a lamp. My stepsister and I found it through smelling the smoke. My mum dumped the whole thing in the bath, and my stepsister and I had to clean it out in the end, as we wanted a bath.

My mum and her boyfriend went to prison a number of times for either drug offenses or credit card fraud. There was a point when they were both in at the same time, and I lived with my dad. I visited her in prison, and I was in tears a fair amount. At one point, I saw her cell, which upset me the most.

At my primary school, an incident occurred where my mum pinned me to a wall and said, "You've ruined my life, you fucking idiot!" The school staff were quite alarmed. With her behavior so exposed, the school phoned Social Services.

My father was often denied access to me by Mum, even though legally I was to visit him once a week. He was concerned through hearing from other people that my mum would lock me in a room for hours and leave the house. I would often run away from him for the smallest of things through fear of what I'd experienced already. My Dad went to court to gain access. A court case ruled that I was to live with my father from that point on.

I saw my mother only on weekends. I was exchanged at a train station half way. On one of these occasions, I witnessed my mum and her boyfriend take my dad to the ground and beat him up. Her boyfriend was on top of him punching him, and my mum was kicking him everywhere. I wanted to get out of the car and stop it, but I couldn't. I felt frightened of what could happen - and I felt really bad for not doing so. I gradually saw less and less of my mum, as she seemed disinterested in seeing me. Contact completely phased out within a year.

My father is a musician. He got me into music, giving me piano lessons. I also joined the local choir (leading up to head Chorister!). I also got into composing music. But my father suffered serious depression. He would sometimes blank me completely, and just sit for hours in the living room like he was in another world. He would have serious mood swings and seemed intensely angry. I was quite fearful of that. His eyes seemed to change, which was a sign for me to keep out of his way.

At nine years old I was sexually abused by a 59-year-old man for two years. Other boys were also involved in this too. I don't feel I want to elaborate on that though; the court case only ruled him 9 months in prison, as he pleaded guilty in court. This information got around my school, and I received a lot of bullying for this, day in and day out. The situation was ridiculous. Being constantly reminded of this event, it was time for me to move on and look for another school.

My father found funding from charities for me to go to a boarding school called Framlingham College. I was so excited by the prospect of even just going there to get my new uniform! The music department was good, with choirs and orchestra and big bands and even an organ, which I had lessons on. I became known for playing film themes at the end of Chapel services! I saw Framlingham as a dream world where I could be away from the unstable world of my father and all the people of my old school. I talked to my dad very little throughout my time at boarding school. I found his depression difficult to deal with. I wish I could be at Framlingham all over again, but I guess you have to move on.

Next I came to London. I got into Trinity College of Music to study musical composition. It was a lot of hard work and strenuous for me in my first year at Trinity.

On my 18th birthday I had a call from my mum, saying she wanted to get in touch and build a friendship. She had abandoned one addiction heroin for another - alcohol. She would drink vodka straight, and I found her to be totally irrational at times, with matters like wanting me to lie to my father that she was not giving me any money so he wouldn't think he could pay less. After a while my mum began to ignore me again. It was becoming clear to me that this relationship HAD to end. I wrote her a letter, underlying all the factors as to why I felt the need to take such a strong decision. I wasn't expecting a reply, and there wasn't one.

I am now in my final 4th year of my music degree, and I am finding things quite tough, though things are going ok.

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