Child Abuse Story From JLS

by JLS
(Colorado, USA)

I am lost, very: 
After reading some of the stories on here, mine doesn't seem that bad. Try telling that to my emotions though....

When I was younger, my aunt and I were very close. She was like the mother I had always dreamed of, caring attentive, supportive, all the things my own mother could never be to her children. My mother gave me to her parents when I was 4 because she could not take care of me. When I was 3 months old, my mother found out she was pregnant again and chose to give that baby up for adoption. I give my mother credit for nothing, but I think that choice was the best she ever made. That girl has had a wonderful life full of choices that us other girls will never have.

I was spending the night with my aunt and she had gone to bed when her boyfriend, who had been out all night playing pool came home through the sliding glass door in the living room, where I was sleeping on the couch. I remember trying to pretend like I was asleep while he came in and got something to drink from the kitchen.

I am not sure if I fell asleep between that time but the next thing I remember is him crawling in behind me on the couch. He put his hand down my pants and proceeded to play with me and finger me. I remember thinking that is was wrong but not being able to do anything about it for some reason. He humped me and pressed up against me for what seemed like hours. I remember when he finally did go upstairs...I was so relieved it was over. I just cried myself to sleep.

I knew I couldn't tell any of my family, things were weird and bad enough as it was, I didn't want to add to it. When I did finally tell someone, I told my school counselor. I remember having drawings of naked people placed in front of me and me having to circle where I was touched and so on. I remember the police taking me home and talking to my mom, who stood in the drive way and cried. When I was left alone with her, she accused me of creating this elaborate story to gain attention from the family. None of my family believed me. I can only guess because it might have been easier to ignore it and say it never happened than to admit it and deal with it. My aunt hated me for all of this. It really destroyed me at a very young age.

I can remember being left with my mother, her husband and their two daughters one summer while my grandparents took a break. My mother and her husband were so desperate for drugs, they packed us kids up and we drove 5 straight hours to get their drugs. When I seen who was there, I cried and demanded to stay in the vehicle. My mother told me I was ruining everything for her and she made me go inside and sit right next to him, while he had his hand on my thigh. I wished for nothing more at that moment than to just die, I wanted to no longer exist.

He was staying with some woman and her daughter and when I got the chance to be alone with the daughter, I remember asking her what she thought of this man. I don't remember her response. I can only hope he never hurt her or any other girl for that matter.

To this day, if I EVER see this man, I WILL scream pedophile and make the biggest public scene I can. I want this man scarred for life the way he has scarred me. At the time I told my school counselor, the police apparently told my parents that I waited too long to say anything, that were was no physical evidence so there was nothing they could do. I have since tried to get copies of the police report but have been unsuccessful. My family buried this under the rug and I could never bring it up with them again.

My mother and I have other issues but this is the biggest one. I no longer speak to my mother and don't know if I ever will again. I hate her for denying anything happened and making me face him again. I don't know how I could ever forgive her for that.

I constantly wonder if my sexual habits now in life were caused by this experience. I constantly long to feel love. I feel sometimes that my purpose is to fulfill mens sexual desires. My perceptions of sex are not balanced, and I really don't know where to go from here....

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