Child Abuse Story From Jill
by Jill
Big, Deep, Breath. Ok, I have never told my story to anyone...I've always felt it didn't matter and 'was not that big of a deal'..I still kind of think that way. It happened when I was around 8 years old, I am now 28. It's not as horrid as what most of the others have been through so I feel guilty for even posting it. Anyways here goes.. It was my self and a bunch of other kids from the neighborhood playing hide n seek..I found what I thought was a good hiding place by an oil tank on the side of a house. I was laying face down on the ground for a minute or so then out of the blue I felt my pants being yanked down to about my mid thigh...I looked back and saw my rear end exposed and my friends 19 year old brother on top of me naked rubbing his bare genitals on my backside...I honestly didnt now what to think. He then got off of me, I stood up, pulled up my pants n walked back home in disbelief. Whats odd to me is I blocked it out up intill 10 years ago or so. I also had another expierence when I was 10 or so w/ another older boy in the neighborhood. I believe he was 13. I was friends w/ his sister so I would go to her house n he would be there. It started by him making comments about my breasts being small. It then turned into him shoving his hands up my shirt and fondling me. This went on for a few months. It then escalated into him pitting his hands down my pants. What I'm about to say is weird but in some ways I enjoyed the attention he gave me. It all stopped when I moved away. After that I would have reoccurring nightmares and a bedwetting problem. I don't know if it was caused from that or not. There was also other problems going on in the home. My dad would hit my mom and dinner ended up on the wall on several occasions. I even vaguely remember my dad throwing a knife at my moms leg. I know I was affected in some way by the things I witnessed and experienced..I was very promiscuous at a very young age..12.. It was always consensual tho. It was always w/ men 19 or older. I hated myself.. I let these men take advantage of me and let them do whatever they wanted to me. I even caught multiple STD's..I know, disgusting, right? I also know it has affected me cause its REALLY hard for me to make friends and form lasting friendships...that's what I dislike the most about myself..i dont know how to talk to people so therefore I don't have friends, only acquaintances. I now have two wonderful daughters and I'm completely obsessed with keeping them safe from any harm. I don't let them go anywhere that I am not, with the exception of school. I'm paranoid that someone could harm them in a sexual way. I have trust issues. That could also be from my mom..i cant really remember her talking to me conversating or hugging or telling me she loves me. I feel like im whining. I can't believe I actually told what I've been holding in for 20 years! Well, Thank You for letting me vent and for taking the time to read this and sorry it's so long an scattered. I have faith that I will be healed from what ails me, through my Savior Jesus Christ!  Note from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.I hope you'll follow me on:  Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.
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