Child Abuse Story From Jessie
by Jessie
(USA)
When you're a really small girl and someone you love and adore touches you and tells you its normal, you believe it, because they're the adult and adults are usually right. You don't like it happening but because you've been told its normal, so you don't do anything about it.
I was the small girl that I just spoke about. And my abuser was my dad. For years I would be touched by him and he would often tell me to touch him back by taking my hand and rubbing it on him, always telling me that this was absolutely normal. I didn't realise any of it was wrong until I was 11 and learnt about sex and that I could say no if i didn't want it to happen. When i learnt about sex I learnt that what my dad was doing to me wasn't right, nor was it normal.
So when I came home that day my dad was upstairs and called me up to his room. I came in. He told me it was time to play and told me to take my clothes off, like usual. I remembered what i learnt and right there and then i decided enough was enough, i didn't want it happening anymore and I told him no. He was shocked by what i said and in a tone he said "What did you say?" I said no again. He laughed at me and a few seconds later he grabbed his belt and began beating me with it till I was so weak i couldnt stand. He stopped beating me and took my clothes off and began raping me while i was on the floor. When he stopped he told me the belt was nothing and if I ever said no to him again he'd hurt me in a much worse way than that. He got up and told me to clean myself up before my mother came home. When he left the room i got up and i saw blood everywhere. I got up with great difficulty and went to the shower and just stayed in there for the longest time rubbing myself so hard that i bled. I felt dirty.
You'd think i'd have done something after that, wouldn't you? But i was scared of my dad, I actually believed he'd hurt me if I reported him, or if I said no to him. So on a daily basis the sexual abuse continued.
It kept on going on for another year or two until I went away on a holiday with a friend and her family. I was in the bathroom one day and accidentally her dad walked in on me when i was changing. i just screamed the house down. My friend's mom came and I was still crying and screaming and I didn't stop until he'd left. My friend's mom calmed me down an hour later and I finally opened my heart to her about what had gone on. She immediately called the police. They came to talk to me and asked lots of questions. i went to the hospital to get examined and luckily there was evidence of the last time my dad had raped me which was the day before I went on holiday with my friend. My dad was arrested. When we got back home, i didn't want to go home. So i stayed with my friend.
My mom came to see me one day. We went for a walk and i told her how long it was happening to me. I thought she would've hugged me and told me that i was all going to be ok and she would protect me. Instead she looked at me and said "So you were the other woman." I was shocked. Did my mom hear what i said to her? this had been forced on me, and had been happening to me for 8 years!! She got up and looked at me like I was dirty and walked away from me. I went back to my friend's house and cried in her mom's arms.
I didn't go back home. I didn't want to. I stayed with my friend and her mom from then on. I heard my dad was charged and sentenced to many years in prison, and my mom divorced my dad. The last time i saw my mom was in church. I looked at her and she looked at me but with a look of disgust. I knew then that there was no way I could go back to living with my mother.
I'm now 18 and repeating my final year in high school, cos of the court case and all, i missed out on a lot of school and couldn't catch up to graduate with my friends. And i'm still in therapy which helps. Thanks for letting me share my story.
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