Child Abuse Story From Jennifer

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Child Abuse Story From Jennifer

by Jennifer
(England)

Healing from emotional neglect:
As a child she was never there emotionally, just physically. I never spoke of feeling fear or sadness or wanting. I just waited for her to step in and say "Don't worry it'll be alright", she never did. At 50 years of age I was still going back waiting and hoping, but she suddenly died. My rage and anger buried so deep dipped me over the edge. A rage of loneliness and fear and waiting and not realising I'd neglected me like she did. Now, I try through therapy to understand and thought I'd be able to just let it go and forgive her, but I can't. Daily, like a ghost it reminds me of the pain and loss of never getting the mother I needed and she got away with it. My therapist said she can't change the past, neither can I, so I trudge on daily dragging this burden, I'm so tired and angry with her and life.

Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coach

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Child Abuse Story From Jennifer

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Jul 27, 2011

Jennifer:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Perhaps some of the anger and hostility you're feeling has a lot to do with the fact that your mother died before you had the chance to confront her, but also, her death represented the absolute end of the possibility that she would meet your expectations and tell you that all would be all right. You wanted and needed a mother, but you never had one. Something I learned for myself a long time ago: my mother was incapable of giving me what I needed, so I had to give my Self what I needed. In essence, I re-parented my Self by giving my Self the messages that I so desperately needed. A two-fold healing process began when I did this. One, I let go of the fantasy that my mother could actually be a mother to me. Two, I recognized that I had taken the torch of abuse from my mother and was self-inflicting it on me, which then stopped abruptly. I need to have both those realizations before true healing could begin. This is when I started taking care of my Self. You're there, Jennifer, you're there. The next step is to actually take care of your Self. Stay in therapy and continue the process, but let go of the idea of forgiveness. Focus on your Self. Allow the process to work, then everything else will eventually fall into place. It will be so liberating as healing and recovery enters into your heart. And you deserve that healing and recovery. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jul 27, 2011

neglect of a mother
by: Anonymous

I know that feeling of having a Mother physically present but not present emotionally. Both happened to me, with the death of my Mother in a car accident when I was nine. But before that, I could be with her in the house for hours and have no contact with her whatsoever. She would shower herself on my brothers, but me, her own daughter, she would block out.
Being 57 now, and not having had kids because I feared I would treat them worse than I was treated... I have come to pick and choose my friends who have children by how they treat their children. I surround myself with women who treat their children with conscious care.
What I wanted from my Mom was to feel that being a woman fulfilled her. It did with my brothers, and my older sister, but with me that feeling failed to materialize. i was the targetted child. I witnessed a lot of emotional abuse between my parents before the accident. Darlene has an article about that that is excellent, if that applies to you.

What I listen for in my friends with kids is that joy of having them! That they matter - everything the kids do matters to the parents.
It sounds like something happened with your Mother like mine with me. My Mother's mother died just before she had me, and my mother was taking care of my brother who was in a body cast for hip dysplasia when I was born. He was only nineteen months older than me. I was just ill timed, my birth, I believe. But I am still here! i think my Mother was overwhelmed when she had me and I was a God awful reminder to her of this great sorrow - her mother's death, the violence between her and my father, in her life. I tried to be funny around her, but things weren't funny. And our relationship suffered.

For me, there was alcoholism involved too. But mostly it was just this inappropriate vacuum of feeling that I couldn't overcome with her - is that what you feel, too? Like there is a vacuum of feeling? That is a HUGE feeling, to learn to overcome. I feel like I have a tornado inside me most of the time, this giant vortex of emptiness that I work hard to tame. And mostly I succeed. I married a very very kind man. And I trust that relationship very much. Not entirely, though. I still have my guard up that it could end. Adn Ihave been with him 25 years! Married 23!!!
I practice prayer, a lot, jennifer.
Finding that healiing is a life long work for those of us who never felt that connection with their mother. There is the concept of Mary in the catholic church that helps me somewhat, too. That she is the Universe's Mother... and I like learning things from good women, from good teachers.
Take a parenting class to LEARN the real relationship that a parent should have with their children.
Hope this helps. I empathize, I really do. I get it.

Jul 27, 2011

I can relate
by: Carrie

I have a Mother that has never been emotionally there for me. She spent all her time dealing with my Father's abuse and control. My Father also did a great job of turning her against me. I am 40 and my parents have nothing to do with me. I have been walking through the grieving process of that for the first time and I am 40. I went from years of anger (which is easier to feel) to what was underneath, the pain. With the help of a therapist she is helping me walk through that grief without becoming overwhelmed or re traumatized. They are not in my life (they blame me) but I am getting well and learning to see life in a different way. It is hard work, and a long process but possible. There is hope. Don't give up. I long for the times when I could call my Mom and tell here what is going on in my life and in me and I grieve but there is hope for a better life even if it has to be without them. Take care of you. You are not alone.

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Child Abuse Story From Jennifer

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Child Abuse Story From Jennifer