Child Abuse Story From Jay
by Jay
Just for the record, I am a girl, just with a boy name. I have been physically abused by my parents since I was young. First was clothes hanger, then it went to wooden sticks and golf clubs and bamboo sticks. People knew, my neighbors, but never did anything. They heard me cry, heard me beg, heard me scream. But they never did anything. Then we moved to China as I got older. I'm now a sophmore. The beating hasn't stopped. Sometimes when my mom or dad gets mad for no reason, I get beaten, slapped, hit by things that they are able to reach. Just today, my dad held a knife in front of my face, it wasn't even an inch apart from hurting me. I couldn't do anything. If I told anyone, no one would believe me because I don't have scars to prove. I don't have bruises to prove it. But what they did to me emotionally is what I think I won't get rid of for my whole life. All my life they have been comparing me to other kids. Straight As weren't enough, it had to be A+. If I didn't meet their expectations, I'd get beaten. I try so hard. Drama, music, guitar, drums, piano, singing, volleyball, badminton, swimming. Trying to prove to them that I can do it. But never once they said "Good Job". All the words that come out of their mouths are cruel cold criticisms. Telling me that I'm always not trying hard enough, that when I grow old, I will be a janitor working at the streets and die of hunger. Because I hang out with guy friends, they call me a slut when all I do with them are chat and skateboard. My dad said that I'm hopeless and that he wishes he never had me. When I did nothing wrong, he always threatens me that he'll throw whatever comes in handy at me. I hold the thought that I could be killed every single day when I'm home. That if I do something wrong, everything will be taken away. That if I don't do good enough, my parents will hit me until I die. I have tried to live with it, I keep telling myself in 3 years I'll be in university. But what my dad said keeps ringing in my head, that I won't make it out of here. "Even if I break your leg or punch you until your face is deformed, I won't get sued and I won't get arrested. Because this isn't America. They don't arrest people that do this outside of the states." Ever since I heard that, I fear for my life. 2010 December, I just couldn't bear some things they said about me. Saying I'm throwing myself at guys, when I haven't even made out with a guy before yet, they think I would go around and have sex with anyone I find. I picked up the scissors and slid it across my wrist. It didn't bleed of course, but there was a slight moment of pain. And I just somehow started to rely on it. I could see and feel myself getting deeper and more addicted to it. Moving on to craft knife and now eyebrow razors. Cutting myself until I bleed just a little, not enough to have people notice it or cause a huge scar, but then I would cut a lot of times all over my arms so I can feel the pain. Just to get away from all this. Now I have anxiety attacks sometimes, I start panicking thinking what would happen if I done something wrong. Honestly, my situation isn't bad. To me, people out there have been raped and beaten till they went into the hospital. Even committed suicide. I'm not at that stage yet but I really think that someday I will be beaten to death or I would walk out that balcony myself. Deep in my heart I want to report them to the counselor like my friend told me to. But I can't. Because I KNOW that no one will believe me. They would think I'm making it up for attention. I don't know how much longer I can handle this torture before I end my own life.  Note from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.I hope you'll follow me on:  Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.
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