Child Abuse Story From Jansen Part 2
by Jansen
(USA)
I'm not ready to go home...my mother says that she and my father really want me to come home because I didn't come for Thanksgiving...I don't want to see my dad...it causes too much pain...if I do go, we'll go to our church where my mother teaches little kids bible class and then we'll have Christmas dinner...but I'll have to see my dad...then my nerves will be a mess..
When I was around 13, I found that cutting was a way to release pain...when I was 15, I decided to cut a little deeper in the wrist and ended up in the hospital...suicide attempt one...I figured that being dead had to be better than living my life. When I was 17, I took my mom's bottle of painkillers...suicide attempt two...I cut to make the pain go away and I'm really good at hiding it. I'm afraid if I go home with my nerves a wreck, I'll cut too much. I really want to get help, but I'm afraid...typing it on the computer is easier than actually speaking it out. I've written all my secrets many times, but I always tore them up...if I speak them they can never be taken back.
As for other aspects of my life, like love, it's non-existent...it's like I can't feel anything and I can't have sex because it feels dirty and disgusting...so I just stay away from women...I really don't know what I am because I don't seem to feel any kind of emotion. I guess I'm straight because women do arouse me but it's like the thought of any kind of relationship I shut off...that's not normal.
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