Child Abuse Story From Janice

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Child Abuse Story From Janice

by Janice
(USA)

I have forgave but can't forget!
I was raped & molested by my father. It started at such a young age my mother worked night shift and my father had no job. He made me sleep in his bed at nights because he said I would sneak out at night to play. I woke up one night to my father on top of me with both of us naked from the waste down. He told me never to tell because he had it on tape and that I would go to jail if I told! Things just kept getting worse he did it more and more often. It was becoming a every night thing. I knew it was bad but did'nt want to get in trouble. Soon my mother and father split and I only saw him once or twice a year. I have never told anyone to this day what went on afraid of my family's responce. My father is now dead and has been dead for 4 years! I forgave my dad a long time ago but lately I have been having nightmares about being raped. It scares me to the point of not sleeping! I don't blame my father for anything I love him to this day I just wish these dreams would stop happening!

Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coach

Note from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Janice

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Oct 06, 2011

Janice:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Your father IS to blame. He was the adult, and as the adult—your FATHER, no less—he had all the power, power that he misused. He took advantage of your youth, your vulnerabilities and on the fact that you would keep the secret out of fear. None of this is on you, Janice. The shoulder of blame is solely on HIS shoulders because he chose to sexually offend you. He's the one who knew it was wrong, but decided to do it anyway. And he led you to believe that the decision was in your hands because of the threat of getting into trouble if you told. As a little girl, this would have left you confused and worried, carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, as though your actions would be responsible for what would happened to him if you told. Very convoluted...nothing could be further from the truth. You're now experiencing nightmares, quite likely because your mind is now ready to deal, really deal, with the reality of what happened. The nightmares are telling you that something isn't all well after all. I suspect that if you delve deeper into these nightmares, you'll find a lot has yet to be dealt with. His pedophilia ways died when he died, but not the repercussions on you as his victim. In fact, it's quite possible those repercussions are now surfacing as a result of his death, even though he died 4 years ago. Add to that the fact that you may also be in an age and stage, or possible situation, that is triggering a version of memory that you don't yet recognize. Please seek out some form of counselling in order to get help for what you are now experiencing, as well as for what you endured at the hands of a pedophile for a father. You didn't deserve to be sexually abused. You deserve help for the fact that you were. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Oct 07, 2011

Secrets...
by: AnonymousT

Secrets are a dangerous thing, they aren't your secrets - they're his. He was the one who was shameful. I'm not telling you to run out & tell family - but the nightmares mean something.

It's your subconscious' way of telling you, "Ok, it's time for me to heal." Just because you forgive doesn't mean you'll EVER forget, but a great outcome is learning to heal & learning coping skills for when the memories surface. We aren't taught that stuff - we were taught to bury everything....eventually, it unburies itself. It's up to us to listen.

Another great book to look into is The Courage To Heal, I recommend it.

T

Oct 14, 2011

You are so worthy of real love
by: Jill

Janice,

Forgiving your dad has actually excused him from his responsibility for what he did to you. The abuse is still stuck in your body. You're bound to it by the secrets he made you keep.

Free your body from his abuse, by seeing yourself as separate from everything. By separating you can let go of the self-pity which has been taking away your ability to help yourself. Tell your mom if she's still alive. Your dad was and always will be the only one who is responsible for what he did.

Forgetting the past is to deny you exist, which is what he forced you to do. Inside you're "stewing" and it's unbearable. It's time to let it out and validate yourself for the beautiful person you are. You deserve to be treated with dignity and find peace.

Taking responsibility for yourself gives you the power to end the denial your father handed you. Denial is the avoidance of feelings. Telling your story reconnects you with your feelings. Inside you were so very strong as a child and told yourself that he was wrong but you had to survive by hiding. Don't ever feel bad for that. Now you can embrace your feelings again and advocate for yourself. If anyone is less than supportive toward you they're in their own denial. Understand, move on and keep working on recovery.

My father raped me too. I created an image of a good father and hid the bad father from myself til I was 38. I had to flip my reality upside down to survive. While reconnecting, I felt like the person I loved had died as I let go of the false image of my father and saw his behavior for what it really was.

A pedophile raping a beautiful, precious child.

It's so confusing when It's actually your parent, but you know you never have to love a pedophile for their behavior.

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Child Abuse Story From Janice

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Child Abuse Story From Janice