Child Abuse Story From Jacqueline

Child Abuse Story From Jacqueline

by Jacqueline
(Indiana, USA)

Never Ending Story:
My story is probably much like everyone else's. I, along with my two brothers, grew up in England, though we travelled a lot due to my father being in The Royal Air Force. I remember being beaten, kicked, punched and thrown against a wall since I was a tiny little girl. I was locked in a cellar for a day in complete darkness. I must have been 7 or 8...I still don't know what I did. We were beaten regularly and punished in a cruel sadistic way...but we NEVER cried. We knew not to make a sound. We never told anyone. We didn't tell our teachers or any outsider...we kept it in.

Sometimes he would grab us by the neck 'carry' us downstairs and then start beating us. The worst times were when we knew by the look on his face that he was going to attack us, but we didn't know when...it was agony waiting, and we prayed it would be sooner rather than later.

He verbally abused us, and up until recently (last 2 months) he still controlled us through fear...I stammered, got my sentences confused when I talked to him...I reverted back to being a helpless little girl again...I am a scared 45-year-old!!!

I was often told I was a mistake, disappointment, stupid, worthless. All my life I believed that.

My brothers dealt with things their way...we all have children. My daughter is beautiful, talented and smart; and we have a closer than close bond...I never once raised a hand to her. My brothers, the same...they adore their children, and again, never hit their kids...we broke the pattern. It can be done.

My younger brother makes my heart break. He is severely depressed and sees a counsellor. He brought things out in the open by getting up the courage to write to my father and tell him what he thought of him. He also mentioned that there is no Statute of Limitations on Child Abuse, and that he would see my father in court...an empty threat, but it made him feel stronger for a brief moment. My father then announced through his second wife that we were all ungrateful, worthless pathological liars and that he had never laid a finger on us and "we were all dead to him"...this made me think that even now, 40+ years after taking my first punch, he still thinks he is in control and that he is important...he messed up 3 lives...though there is a ripple effect...I have never spoken about this ever, because I felt scared, shameful and embarrassed.

Never-ending story (subtitle) sums my life up...there is no contact between my father and the 3 of us...but still I have nightmares. I am not very good around men. I am very claustrophobic from being shut in a coal cellar, and I am an over achiever.

No one ever recovers from child abuse. The physical and emotional scars fade, but never go away completely.

Any child reading this...don't keep it in. Tell someone. They will believe you. Trust a teacher, priest, anyone...but don't suffer in silence.

Jacqueline

Darlene's comments to this "Child Abuse Story From Jacqueline" can be found at Comments below this submission. Depending on system activity, there are sometimes delays in comments going live on my site; but rest assured, they do eventually appear. So if you don't yet see them, I hope you will return later to read what I, and possibly others, have written. I thank you for your patience and understanding.

Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited, and could result in being banned from making further comments on this site.

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Child Abuse Story From Jacqueline

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Aug 09, 2008

You have MUCH to be proud of...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Jacqueline, it was completely natural for you as a child, a victim of brutal, cruel, even criminal abuse, to have felt scared, shameful and embarrassed. Of course you would believe what you were being told; you were a child; a vulnerable, waiting-to-be-shaped, precious child; a child who had the terrible misfortune of having a father who beat and berated you instead of loving and nurturing you and treating you with the respect and dignity you so deserved.

You are an incredibly strong woman, Jacqueline. A woman who, despite the vicious abuse you had to endure at the hands of a vile father, managed to ensure your own daughter did not suffer the same fate. Do you not realize how remarkable that makes you? Do you not realize how strong that makes you? Do you not realize how powerful that makes you? That's how I see you, Jacqueline; that's how you should see yourself. Your never-ending story HAS an end; it ended when you stopped the cycle of abuse.

I can understand reverting back to that scared and helpless little girl; it used to happen to me, but no longer, not since therapy in my twenties. Don't ever chastise yourself for being transported back to such a state. Consider it a natural progression, a stepping stone of sorts. The fact that you are aware of this "regression" is huge, Jacqueline. Rest assured, as you gain more perspective about who and what you are now as an adult and as a mother and as a contributing member of society, and in turn, as you gain more understanding about the true nature of your father and his "disownment" (in a word, cowardice); you WILL hold your head up high with pride and conviction. You've already lived through the worst of it, AND have gone on to make a life for yourself and your precious daughter. Don't lose sight of that tremendous achievement. Don't sell yourself short. You (and your brothers) weren't a "mistake"; you're all a "miracle." I have faith that you will overcome the residual of your past even further. Therapy truly helped me. Perhaps you can have the same success with some form of counselling.

I thank you for the message to my younger visitors to disclose, Jacqueline. They need to hear it from many sources.

P.S. I received your email about the problems you were having with an error message when you were trying to include your email address. I thank you for bringing it to my attention, and I apologize for the inconvenience it caused you. I too was experiencing difficulties on that day. I have reported these error messages to the company that hosts my site. Hopefully, they have now been rectified.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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Aug 09, 2008
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Submitted by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

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Comment
Jacqueline, it was completely natural for you as a child, a victim of brutal, cruel, even criminal abuse, to have felt scared, shameful and embarrassed. Of course you would believe what you were being told; you were a child; a vulnerable, waiting-to-be-shaped, precious child; a child who had the terrible misfortune of having a father who beat and berated you instead of loving and nurturing you and treating you with the respect and dignity you so deserved. You are an incredibly strong woman, Jacqueline. A woman who, despite the vicious abuse you had to endure at the hands of a vile father, managed to ensure your own daughter did not suffer the same fate. Do you not realize how remarkable that makes you? Do you not realize how strong that makes you? Do you not realize how powerful that makes you? That's how I see you, Jacqueline; that's how you should see yourself. Your never-ending story HAS an end; it ended when you stopped the cycle of abuse. I can understand reverting back to that scared and helpless little girl; it used to happen to me, but no longer, not since therapy in my twenties. Don't ever chastise yourself for being transported back to such a state. Consider it a natural progression, a stepping stone of sorts. The fact that you are aware of this "regression" is huge, Jacqueline. Rest assured, as you gain more perspective about who and what you are now as an adult and as a mother and as a contributing member of society, and in turn, as you gain more understanding about the true nature of your father and his "disownment" (in a word, cowardice); you WILL hold your head up high with pride and conviction. You've already lived through the worst of it, AND have gone on to make a life for yourself and your precious daughter. Don't lose sight of that tremendous achievement. Don't sell yourself short. You (and your brothers) weren't a "mistake"; you're all a "miracle." I have faith that you will overcome the residual of your past even further. Therapy truly helped me. Perhaps you can have the same success with some form of counselling. I thank you for the message to my younger visitors to disclose, Jacqueline. They need to hear it from many sources. <b>P.S.</b> I received your email about the problems you were having with an error message when you were trying to include your email address. I thank you for bringing it to my attention, and I apologize for the inconvenience it caused you. I too was experiencing difficulties on that day. I have reported these error messages to the company that hosts my site. Hopefully, they have now been rectified. Darlene Barriere Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator Author: <a href="http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/my-story-of-abuse.html"><I>On My Own Terms, A Memoir</I></a>

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Aug 09, 2008

Jacqueline:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I just re-read the email you sent me...it seems I misunderstood the difficulty you were having. The automated verification and notification system is tied into the email of the person submitting their contribution. In other words, there was no system error on that day, as it related to what you were trying to do. Using your husband's email address was perfectly acceptable, as long as it was okay with him.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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Child Abuse Story From Jacqueline

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