Child Abuse Story From Hope
by Hope
It all started when I was around 4 years old. My mother left my father to go on the road with a truck driver. She picked drinking and partying over me. She was in and out of my life from the age of 4 to 7. She would bring this man around me and I can never forget what he did. He would wait until my mother was not home or when she was sleeping and he would come into my room and touch me and make me touch him. Then it led to worse, and he raped me when I was seven. I went to my mother and told her about it and she just slapped me in the face and beat me where I had bruises all over me and told me that the man she loves would never do something like that to me and sent me to my room. Later that night he came in my room and said I had to be punished for telling my mother and raped me again. This kept happening for two days. Two days later I went home to my fathers house. I told my father what happened and he informed the authorities but to this day he was still not arrested. My father moved me away from him and my mother. Two years later, when I was 6 my father got a call from my mother and she said she had left that man and wanted to see me. My father was very reluctant on wanting her around me but later agreed. She came over and in front of my father acted like she wanted to be a mother again. A few weeks later told my father that she got married and wanted her new husband to meet me. After my father met him he agreed to let him meet me. He seemed very nice and like he wanted to be a part of my life, he made my mother be a mother and that is what I wanted for a long time. Two years later when I was 8 everything started, and if I should say it like this, my life was hell for the next 4 years. At the age of eight my stepfather started touching me and making me touch him. Then it got worse and one night when I was 9 he tied me up to the bed and for 6 hours did nothing but torture and rape me. My mother was away for the night. When she came home the following morning I was too scared to tell her fearing the same thing would happen so I told her I got the marks from playing with friends outside and told her one of the kids got rough. She said ok and went straight to bed, my stepfather came up to me that night and told me if I said anything he would kill my mother and my father. I never said anything and the following weekend went back to my mothers house and she went away again on a saturday night. My stepfather repeated the torture and abuse by had two friends over to join in while I was tied up. This went on for 4 years until one day they beat me so bad that the marks were visible to my father when he came and picked me up. I would not tell him what happened, I just told him I never wanted to go back to my mothers house again. He knew something was wrong but never bothered me about it, he just did not make me go over there and we eventually moved. Now 30 years old, I have four children and was with their father for ten years and my 10 year old came up to me and told me that her father was touching her. I immediately called the authorities and he was arrested. I found out that he has done more then just touch my daughter and has done it to all four of my children. He took a plea bargain and only got four years, I think that it is wrong that a man can do this to children and only get four years. Now my children have to live with this like I have had to my whole life. I cannot even go around a lot of men without feeling so uncomfortable I just walk away and I fear my children will feel the same. I feel like I have not kept my children safe, even though I did not know what was going on. All I can do is just cry at night feeling like I was not there to protect them, I just do not know what to do anymore. I put all my children in counseling but none of them will talk about it and I know how they feel. Please if anyone can give me some advice on how I can be happy again and not feel like this. I feel ashamed, lost, lonely, and do not know which way to turn anymore. I want to be able to be happy for my kids and not keep having these stupid and crazy thoughts go around in my head that I just need to end it. I know I need to be here for my kids. Please can someone just let me know they know how I feel and give me some advice. Thank you for taking your time to read my story.  Note from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.I hope you'll follow me on:  Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.
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