Child Abuse Story From Holly
by Holly
(Location Undisclosed)
I have not told anyone my story and I am now at the point where I need to; like I need to get it out before I lose it. I need to heal. I was not going to include my real name but I know it is part of the healing, possibly one day I can tell others what happened to me face to face. I had suppressed what happened to me until I was almost 20 years old, when someone had said that they were molested. When they said this the first time nothing occurred in my mind but, when it was said again a few months later and a couple hours after that I was by myself and the memory just hit me like a ton of bricks. I did not know what to feel or think, I just wanted to forget about it again. But now I know I have to remember it to heal and understand some of the problems that I have; and that I am not alone.
When I was a child, I cannot remember the exact age but between the ages of 5 and 7; I was molested, once I believe that it was only once, it may of happened more but I just can not remember. However, the more I think about it, I just know it was just once. I can remember it. It happened in my house with my mother down stairs, and myself and the molester was upstairs. The one who molested me was my father's son, my blood half brother. It was only once but it should not have happened. Now what I know about molestation I feel that I need to heal and deserve to heal, and forgive but not forget; or the molestation will continue to control me.
Around the time it happened, all the signs were there but no one recognized them; for example I masturbated quite a bit. I started to gain weight and have never stopped. I decided to take control of my life and get healthy. However,unwanted attention that made me gain weight to save myself in a way had come back; it was not molestation but unwanted touching. A cousin of mine is very touchy; he will poke at me,rub up against my breasts and other parts of my body, he would do this to others as well and he would think it is so funny and not stop when I asked him to. It seems nothing and no one would do anything about it, including myself and other family members. He had been doing this since he and I was younger, we are the same age. The last time I saw him he did this and I started to gain the weight back with the excuses. Now I know it does not matter how I look or how old I am if someone wants to hurt me they will try. I know I have to tell someone about this so it can help me and possibly others heal. Thank you for this website and to others who have posted their stories. God bless we can heal together. It may sound strange, but I believe that God only gives us what we can handle; it may sound inconceivable but without faith I believe that there will be nothing to help me heal and continue. I do not want to push religion but it has helped me.
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