Child Abuse Story From Holly

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Child Abuse Story From Holly

by Holly
(Wales, United Kingdom)

My mother hurt me soo bad:
From the time I was born, my mother has never wanted me. She told me I was a big mistake and she would do anything to get rid of me. By the time I was two, she stood there and let her boyfriend rape me and made my sister sit in a corner and watch.

As I turned three, she shaved all my hair off and left clumps of it there. She made people think I had cancer...all of her boyfriends have done at least something to me.

I turned 7, and she had got married to a man named Ian. He was a horrible man. He hit me and made bruises on me and they would talk about sex in front of me. He would tell me if I told anyone he would batter me.

One day I couldn't take it anymore. I told my gran. She took me from my mother, but a year later I had moved back in with her. She said she had stopped seeing Ian and that I was her priority. But that soon changed. Before I knew it, she had kicked me out. I was only eight. I remember begging her and I cried and cried. I was asking her, "Please could you just choose me this once." She looked me in the face and said, "I can't."

From that day forward I have hated her. I have no feelings for her whatsoever because I went through 2 years of seeing a physiatrist and every day of my life I feel like dying. I go to sleep and hope to never wake up. She has ruined my life.

I find it so hard to trust anyone. The only people I can trust are my boyfriend and my gran...people don't realise what they are doing to their children. They only think about themselves and their feelings...well I'm 15 and I hate what I have been through. I would never wish it on anyone. Never.

Note from Darlene: The volume of contributor submissions has now made it impossible for me to comment personally (especially in great detail) on each and every contribution. If I haven't left you a comment or one that is in-depth, please do not take my lack of a personal response as a slight, or as a statement that your story is somehow unworthy of my time. Nothing, and I do mean nothing, could be further from the truth. If there was a way for me to respond to all of you at length, I would.

Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited, and could result in being banned from making further comments on this site.

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Child Abuse Story From Holly

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Jun 17, 2009

Part 1: Yes, your mother DID hurt you so very badly...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Holly, your mother isn't in her right mind. A mother who chooses others over her precious daughter, a mother who allows a twisted pervert to rape her precious baby is a mother who is deranged. Yes, your mother turned her back on you and she betrayed and abandoned you in the worse possible way. Most mothers do not turn their backs on their precious daughters (or sons), Holly. You were not blessed with the kind of mother you deserve. You deserve a mother who is loving and nurturing, a mother who treats you with dignity and respect. This is not your fault, Holly. You are not to blame. Whatever is lacking inside your mother, whatever demons she is facing inside of her, SHE is to blame here; not you. SHE does not see you for the special daughter you really are. SHE does not see what I see, what my visitors see: a worthy and articulate and smart and special 15-year-old young woman. A 15-year-old young woman who doesn't want to die; but rather, a young woman who desperately wants to be out of pain.

What has happened, Holly, is that you are now convinced of all the lies your mother sent you, in her words to you and in the messages of her actions. Your mother rejected you, and now you believe that you are not worthy. You believe that you are not lovable. You believe that you are somehow less than the twisted and perverted men she chooses for herself.

See Part 2: Your thoughts and feelings... below.

Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Jun 17, 2009

Part 2: Your thoughts and feelings...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Of course you would hate what you've been through. You're too smart to feel otherwise. But that hate is what makes you understand how wrong your mother is in her treatment of you. That hate can be powerful, Holly, because it can lead to change for others; and thus, change for yourself. Sharing your story here is that kind of powerful, because as others read about what you dealt with, they will come to understand the terrible impact of it all; and then they may be compelled to treat their own children with the love and dignity and respect they deserve. And when you come to realize that you've made that kind of change with so many others, you realize that though what you lived through wasn't right , there was purpose in what you lived through. You've started that purpose by writing your story for my site, Holly. Don't you see how special that makes you? Don't you see how important you being here on this planet really is? Don't you see that we need you, Holly? Do you see how much you are actually loved by me and the thousands of people who visit here each and every day? Not only do you have two very special people in your life (boyfriend and gran), you now have thousands sending you positive and powerful thoughts.

You have the power to lift yourself out of this desperation you are now feeling. Don't believe the lies you've been fed. Tell yourself each day how special you are. And when you have difficulty doing that, come back to this page and read and re-read every word written here. You are not the experiences you had to endure; you are much more than that. You were dealt an unfair hand. What you do with that hand NOW is what's critical. You have already survived the worst of it. You survived the terrible abusive acts. What you are now dealing with are your thoughts about those terribly abusive acts. I strongly recommend more counselling with someone who can help you with this. I also recommend you read as many of the stories on this site as you can, AND make sure to read the comments that are left by me and my visitors. Because it's in those comments where your healing messages can come from. Always remember, Holly, we can't change our feelings, but when we change our thoughts we automatically change how we feel, which will change how we act, even toward ourselves.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Jun 18, 2009

Lucky you. Granny's are the saving of many of their grand children
by: maurice

Oh Holly, your story brings sadness to my heart especially having a mother who does not know she is the mother of the most precious child ever born. Holly and that is what you are. Begin to accept that and one sure way is to love and share all your pain and hurt feelings with your Granny. She will make you feel good inside, she will put you on the right road to happiness. Grand parents have saved many of their grand children from uncaring parents. A mother to treat you the way your's has done is shameless and unforgiving. Sadly you are flesh of her flesh and the bond of a child and mother should be the greatest of bonds between two human beings. Holly, you lucky teenager, great you have a boy friend who is understanding of you but he too is growing as an adolecent and learning about life. Your gran is your best friend now. Darlene's site ''WOW'' Holly it is great you found it, she too will be your support in gaining your self worth, your self esteem. You have been put through alot in your maturing years to date. You are an inteeligent Girl, your courage to sit down and write you story and be so articulate in all you've shared proves that. Darlene will, only if you want her and you work at the helpful loving/caring supporting words od advice she has offered you. Always believe in yourself. I know you will, Always believe in yourself. Begin to get help from professional people, your counsellor at school, Trust your friend who respects you and he will help you to find the courage to get help. Holly, Listen to and ask your Gran what she know is the best way forward for you. Don't you let yourself down by lettting your loving caring Gran down. She loves you.

Jun 18, 2009

I am Magnificent and Special
by: Rhianna

Dear Holly,

You are brave and courageous for sharing your story with us. Perhaps you don't realise that, but at your age - only 15 - it's even more apparent.

You have said that you feel like dying, but I think you're much more of a fighter than that. Yes you may sometimes feel that death would be better than the pain associated with this life and that is understandable. Many survivors of abuse feel this way and it is a normal reaction. After all, who would want to go through what you have described and then live with the associated after-effects. Many would understandably prefer death to this sort of extreme pain and suffering.

However, there are ways forward. As Darlene says, sharing your story is a start and thank you for doing that. Firstly you are helping others and secondly there is power in the love and prayers that are being sent out to you from those of us who read what you have written.

Darlene is also correct in saying that you must work on changing your thoughts. I would suggest writing all the negative thoughts down and then finding new positive thoughts to change them into.

For example:

"I am useless and worthless and should never have been born."

becomes

"I am magnificent and special and deserve all the best life has to offer."

You get the idea I hope.

These are called affirmations. Collect lots of positive affirmations, read them every day, keep saying them and your mind will begin to heal. I know this because I have experienced it myself. Affirmations are powerful. You might feel silly doing it, but I would advise persisting with it. You could even make them into posters and pictures and put them on the wall.

What your mother did to you shows that she and the men who tortured you are very sick psychologically. You are better than them, you deserve better and lastly, you were and are not an accident.

I hope that these suggestions will help. I believe that you will be blessed and that life will get a whole lot better for you in the future Dear Holly. Thank you for sharing your story. You are magnificent and special. Know that and believe it.

Jun 18, 2009

srry i feel really bad but try to stay strong
by: Anonymous

I feel so very sorry. Dont let it take you down you have a whole life to live. What ever happened fight towards it make yourself win.

Jun 19, 2009

It may be offered from a distance but it is real LOVE
by: maurice

Holly, you are loved by each one of us who have written comments to you. Darlene leads the way with her empowering words of support and help. I certainly feel with you in all you endured at the hand of these very sick human beings who abused you horribily taking away your beautiful innocence as as child and teenager. Rhianna she sure emphtises with you her loving affirmations of you are surely from the her heart to you. Affirm yourself with positive statements about the beautiful and wonderful person you truly are now. I kove me is one huge affirmation to begin with.Holly your very special and the bestest child ever born. Always believe in yourself.

Jun 19, 2009

Wow...
by: Anonymous

Wow, that sucks! I hope your grandmother is with you now, Holly, because she is so sweet for doing that.

Jun 23, 2009

You have your whole life......
by: Judy

ahead of you. You have received some great words of wisdom on this web site. I would just like to add that you are much stronger than you realize. You are alive and you have a story to share - a story that will alter the lives of many. Your story changes the way we look at children in our lives - it makes us more loving, watchful, and caring. You can and have made changes in the lives of many - just by sharing your story. Your past has equipped you with a strength and knowledge that goes way past your years. What you endured as a child is what some endure as adults - you have gone through what some have yet to experience in their adult lives. It is sad but true. Some children are loved and cherished while they are young only to grow up and be abused and unloved. Either way is horrible and especially if one is young and helpless as you were. You have experienced abuse early on and at an unthinkable age unfortunately - but it is now behind you and you are a survivor. Get the help you need now so that your life will have a better outcome. You can be the change the world needs but you have to be able to come to that realization - you can turn your tragedy into triumph. Be positive and stay strong - my prayers are with you. Judy

Oct 18, 2009

YOU are full of worth & value
by: Robyn - USA

I am literall yunable to breathe at the moment from reading your testimony here... it is beyond me to understand or to even try who humans can prey on each other like they do...how does anyone prey on a child..especially, specifically a parent. MY heart is literally broken by your story, and I just want to send you love, hugs, good feelings & warmth right through this computer as I type. I am a mother of three and am so grateful for the blessing, the gift of my children. I wish I could have been your mother and providied you the nurturing and love you so deserve. Know this; YOU ARE A unique & wonderful being!! You have talents, gifts to share with the world. There is NO ONE like you! How wonderful!! Don't let your mother or her sick friends ruin your life by their illness and hatred for their own lives. YOU WIN by choosing to love yourself! YOU ARE WORTH IT!! Lokk in the mirror, look yourself in the eys and tell yourself out loud that YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, YOU DESERVE a good life, you desrve to be treated with respect. Do this often!! You hug yourself (really! It is rewarding, and you will laugh out loud!) Hug yourself when no one else does, tell yourself "I love you". Know that I love you as one human to another. YOU deserve the opportunity to live and prosper and flourish as much as the next person!! Claim it! Strive for it as you grow and mature. You CAN DO IT!! YOU WILL DO IT! I believe in YOU! xoxo

Oct 19, 2009

Action speaks louder than words.
by: maurice

But words of Love, Caring, gentleness, sensitivity, affirmation, positive, constructive, encourage the Action from within each of us. Holly I certainly found on this morning the words of support in acknowledgeing your bravery, your inner strength to move on in your life after the horrific abuse you suffered at the hands of your mother. Darlene, Judy, Rhianna, Anonymous, My own, and Robyn. Know we all say you are just wonderful and beautiful, courageous, brave, with a will power to do always what is the best for you NOW in your life. Good on you. Look in the mirror and HUG yoursefl to bits for all you've done to arrive at a good place in your life. That is all that matters Now. you have taken charge of your own life. Darlene's words are empowering. she has worked through alot in her own right and now is all our strength's to take action and move on in our lives. She knows we must take the neccessary action to begin our healing from abuse. Her words help to build on our own self worth, giving us the confidence to accept I am beautiful, I am Wonderful, I'm Special, Thank you just for being that person Holly, Judy, Rhianna, Robyn, and of course The Guru of her site Darlene.

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Child Abuse Story From Holly

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Child Abuse Story From Holly