Child Abuse Story From Hendrix

by Hendrix
(Maldives)

Sexually and Physically Abused: 
I am 30, married, and have two lovely sons. I count every day of my life thinking about how I grew up. Nothing seems to make me happy, even money seems to be worthless for me.

I don't remember anything other than abuse in my childhood. My dad physically abused me all the time. Whenever I saw him I felt so scared, until I married at the age of 21. My father would beat me up, even if I was hurt when I was playing.

I remember when I was playing with my cousins. One guy hurled a stone and it hit my right eye. I went running to Dad, eyes closed. I simply could not see anything, but he started beating me while my eye was bleeding. I am sorry, let me bear all those for myself, I cannot express anymore, it's just so hurting. My mom was so kind, that may be the reason why what I am today.

I remember always having desire for sex during my childhood. I always tried to experience different sexual actions. Why was I so different from other kids? Why was I trying all these? I remember I was sexually abused by different females several times, even my sisters and babysitters. Unfortunately, I tried to experience sex with male friends, female friends when I was just a KID! Can anyone tell me why I was behaving like that? Please...

I have so many incidents, but it will be too long.

Today, as an adult:

• I don't trust others, NEVER, to take care of my kids - even my wife. I feel she might do something that I don't like.


• I am preoccupied with sex, viewing pornography almost all the time, trying to have sex more than three or four times a day. After sex, I feel GUILT, no pleasure, not at all!


• Totally depressed with what I have experienced in my childhood.


• Feeling lonely and get hurt so quickly that even if a friend talks differently, I might think he is angry.


• I feel I have no one who cares about me.


• I hate this community, people and when I visit the place I lived, omg, I just feel so afraid.

I am from MALDIVES, but this paradise is nothing but a hell for me.

I have no one to share my stories. I simply cannot, not even with my wife. Here it is a taboo. No one will take it seriously. I am so low, though I have money, it simply does not make any sense. I have no happiness.

I am so grateful that I am able to share with others who are from most civilized societies. I hope someone will respond.

Take care, everyone. We didn't do this to ourselves. Maybe we were born at the wrong time, at the wrong place.

Cheers!

Note from Darlene: Hendrix, I moved your submission from the comments section of another contributor onto its own page here so that it would be more readily seen and read by my visitors. Perhaps some of them will comment as well.

Darlene's comments to this "Child Abuse Story From Hendrix" can be found below. If you do not see the comments I've written, please be patient, as there continues to be a system glitch—in spite of being posted and approved, some comments are not appearing live on my site. Hendrix, I replied to your story June 11, 2008, comments titled "Effects of childhood sexual abuse..." Keep checking back to this page if you don't see those comments yet. I thank you Hendrix and my other visitors for your understanding while I work diligently at getting this malfunction resolved.

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