Child Abuse Story From Heather2

by Heather
(England)

I was abused by my father - sexually, emotionally, physically from a young age. My mother failed to protect me and also abused me emotionally. She had been abused and neglected herself and was like a child in an adult's body.

The abuse has had a devastating effect on me. I have had a string of abusive relationships. The latest one is a marriage in which I was abused - pushed around, called a whore, thrown across the room and kicked. I would sit alone and cry and he would ignore me. If I complained, he would tell me that he treats me better than my father used to. He made me feel as though I am born to be abused. He also financially and sexually abused me. He kept taking my money and I kept helping him and his family (who are poor), thinking I was being kind and helpful. Sexually he kept pressurising me into sex even when I did not want it. I have ended up feeling like a victim and a whore who was there to satisfy all his needs at the expense of my own. My self-esteem has hit the floor and I feel truly worthless. He has moved out now because I asked him to.

What is it about some people that if they hear you are a survivor of abuse it seems to make them want to abuse you?

The previous marriage was not much better. I married a guy from another country and he used me to try to bring his relatives to this country. He cheated on me, used me for money and I also discovered that he was untrustworthy and engaged in fraudulent activities. What a nightmare.

I have always longed for a happy loving family, but all I seem to get is more and more abuse.

I really don't want to keep repeating these patterns but am unsure how best to move forward.

I wonder if it is possible that I have not processed the abuse and am just continuing to act things out in various ways. I wonder why I keep getting abused by others. I just don't know where to go and who to turn to for help.

Thank you for listening.

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