Child Abuse Story From Heather1

by Heather
(USA)

Broken-Hearted Again: 
I was emotionally abused rather than physically. I am 13 almost 14, and the main thing I can remember as a child is being alone.

My mom ran a home daycare. (No, she did not and does not abuse me). I had one friend that I love to this day. He was the only thing that made me happy.

I have 2 brothers who are grown and out of the house, but still to this day I love my big bubu. I have called him this since I was little, and he is the ONLY male I trust.

My father never paid any mind to me. He always made me feel like he hated me, and now I know for a fact he does. He has really screwed me up.

Then when I was 6 I was mentally and emotionally mature for my age like I always have been and might always be. My mother did the thing that crushed me. She got remarried to this a-hole. He has a son that is 1 year younger than me. He put up a wall and made it clear: it's your daughter, my son. I do nothing for her, you do nothing for him. And then there were days when he just "loved" me. And picture this...you're 6 and you are told something and then the creator of that breaks his own rule. I was even more confused than I had been. And I grew up like this. Him telling me he hates me and that I should go and die somewhere, to oh I love you sweetheart.

In November of 2007 I started cutting. Not with a knife, but with a very dull and rigid house key. But the worse part was that I did it to feel pain. There wasn't any. My whole arm was numb. And I tried to give up on that, but I do that to this day. My legs are all scarred up to my arms. My mom took me to the doctor, but I don't trust her.

I don't trust anyone anymore, except my 'sister' (best friend) and my big bubu, Nathan. It really sucks when you can only feel mental and emotional pain. I feel one day it might swallow me up.

And the worst part is...the whole thing has changed my looks a lot. My eyes seem dead. My skin went from a nice tan to a weird pale cream color.

This is just too much for one kid to handle. My bubu got over it and I wish I could. But that's kinda hard when I won't come out of my room and all I can do is hate life and wish to die.

Now I fear all men. At my old school in Alabama our principal was a man. I was sent to his office for fighting. The whole time I was in there I kept looking at the ground gripping my seat and was ready to deck him.

Now here in Oklahoma my principal is again a GUY and I was trying to tell him something but could barely speak to him because of my fear of men.

My friend thinks my dad or even one of my bros might have sexually abused me when I was younger, and if so, I have no memory of it.

Well, I love you all and hope you have a great day and or life. God bless.

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