Child Abuse Story From Heather S
by Heather S
I am a survivor of sexual abuse. I kept my secret from everyone for four years. I was only nine years old when it first happened. (To this day I believe that was why I kept it a secret for so long.) I finally told a science teacher in seventh grade, while we were learning about human growth and development. I only told my teacher, principal, parents, and police of three times that it happened. I really don't know why I didn't say the others, but I was only fourteen when i told. I was scared and afraid of what I said would do to my family. Two months before I told, It happened to me again. I was at my grandmother's house and my uncle (the abuser)and aunt came over. He followed me into a bedroom and he tried once again to touch me. I got away from him before he could get too far, but I remained silent. The first time it happened at his house, when my mother's side was having a family reunion. This was also the first time that I met my uncle, beccause my aunt just got remarried. He is actually my step-uncle. All us nieces went down stairs in the basement to play hide-and-go-seek. One time when I was trying to find a place to hide, he followed me. There basement is actually carpeted and has a living area and two bedrooms and a large bathroom. He told me to hide under the covers while he threw pillows on top of me. I started feeling his hands come at me and he touched me in places that he should not have. The police told me that if he would be convicted for this one; he would be sentenced for rape of minor. So he went a little further than what I wrote. Just writing this makes me sick to my stomach, but I want others to read my story and understand that they are not alone. The second time also happened at his home, but in his garage. I believe that we were having some kind of family get together again. The adults were all playing some weird ball game with sticks. I forgot what they called it. (Sorry) I asked my aunt (my godmother, but also married to him) where the toys were, and she told me in the garage in a box. My uncle followed me and I thought nothing of it. I thought he was going to show me where they were, but no, he wasn't. He tried to touch me again and did it while hugging me. I wasn't very big back then and still aren't. So I wasn't going to be able to get away from him. He let go when someone came in. She didn't see anything, or that is what she says. Other times were right in front of everyone's faces. He would sit by me and get really close and touch me without them seeing. I still remained quiet. I tried to tell my school counsler in fifth grade about it, but I wasn't sure what to call it. For that was why I didn't say anything, either. I knew what he was doing was wrong, but I was to afraid to say anything. I went to pliminary hearings in the beginning and middle of my eighth grade year. The first one was three days into school. I had no idea how court worked or if I would have to say anything. I was scared, likewise. Two of the incidents were in one county, so that was where the court date was set. The other incident was in another county, where I went to another court house. Everytime that I went to court, he would stare at me the whole time. The first time I was in court, I didn't know what to do, so I got really nervous. His attorney was hard and mean to me, screwing me up several times, confusing me many times. She got me to mix up the dates of the incidents, which I guess was s'pose to make me look like a liar. The second time I corrected her in court and I felt my confidence rising. I really had no idea what I wanted my uncle to get as a punishment because I still didn't believe in prison time. I just wanted him to acknowledge what he did wrong. The court dates came when I was in my eight and ninth grade summer. I was going to start high school that year and I was extremely scared of what life was going to be like being a freshman. It had been just over a year that I told my teacher and I was overwhelmed. Everytime that I went to court I felt sick; the emotions and sights all overwhelmed me after the effect. One thing that makes me feel horrible today is that I told on April 1st. His lawyer used that line about how I could be lying because of the day I told. That was bull crap. No matter what day I told, they would have some kind of explanation of how I could be lying. Yet, I am not. The court date was cancelled because my uncle took a plea. The plea wasn't much, but it was something. That was all I wanted. The plea was: four years of no contact (phone or in person contact), sexual assualt counsling, and community service. The court date in the other county came in freshman year. I was having enough trouble in school as it was, so court made it worse. I wasn't able to sleep desent and even stopped eating. I was forced into counsling agian and got back my confidence. The court date was in October that year. I was not ready to face my uncle and his evil lawyer again. Right before I was to leave school on the day, I got a phone call telling me that our lawyer decided to cancel. I was more upset than happy that the court date was cancelled. Now my uncle was going to get away with everyhting that he did to me. I had lost everything. My grandparents on my moms side, everyone thought I was a lier on my moms side, including my aunt. She was like another mother to me and we used to be very close. I may never forgive myself for telling and destroying so many people's life. I lost my connection with my grandparents because they took my uncles side and even helped him pay his lawyer. At that time my grandfather was very ill and I wasn't allowed to see him, which made me grieve even more. I hadn't seen my grand dad from my 7th grade year till 10th gradde year. My parents were fighting with my grandparents for that long, and finally my dad wouldn't even allow calls. We were cut off completely. (I cried all the time and use to tell myself that if my grandfather would die before I could see or hear from him one more time that I would never forgive myself!) Yet, in my 10th grade school year I met up with my grandparents. It wasn't like anything I would have exspected, but I was glad to see him. Two months later he would be placed into a nursing home. Still in 10th grade I had more problems I could shake a fist with. My dads side of the family had gotten worse and his brother went too far with something. He suffers from major depression and it was getting to him. For awhile we couldn't have any family gatherings because he was so sick. The medication he was takingg was helping, but made him tired and gave him stomach aches. He also took so many different medications that each of them just intesified his pain. He took about 14 pills each morning and 12 more at night. To this day he takes them, but is doing better. It was the beginning of 2011 and my life was getting a lot better. I was sticking with a small group of two friends. I made it through a hard break up with a friend who tried getting me on drugs and with her boyfriend threatening me on the phone. People consider me a strong willed woman. It was earlier this year when bad things started to happen. My Great-Grand dad on my dad's side, went to the hospital and got into a car accident. He was 90 years old and his liscence was pulled. Within two weeks he was sent to a nursing home. It was on Good Friday that we got a call saying that he had died. It hit me really hard and I couldn't get thhrough the fact that he wasn't going to be playing cards at our house anymore. We had been playing cards at our house for fours years, every Friday; just for great-grandpa. I went to school on Monday and sat crying in pupil services (counslers office) and couldn't stop. The funeral was at one so I left school early and went there. My great uncle was there and the way that he cried made me feel horrible. And how another of my great uncles said goodbye to his dad. It is summer now and I biked up to the cemetary two miles away from our home. I wrote him and great-grandma a letter saying that I'm doing better and I will stay here to help others like me. I do not regret telling on what my uncle did to me. I thought I was alone, but I wasn't. I went to a sexual assualt counsling support group up twice. I met amazing girls and boys my age who had went through the same things. The people there were so much help that I still communicate with them today when I have problems. If you are reading this and know someone who has went through this or any other kind of abuse; tell them or yourself that they are not alone. I found support and survived. I turned out to be a stronger person in the long run. I have even decided to become someone who helps people who have been through what I have. Always remember: You are never alone. Thanks for reading. I feel better writing about my experience.  Note from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.I hope you'll follow me on:  Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.
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