Child Abuse Story From Glen

by Glen
(Cornwall, United Kingdom)

I'm not sure what to say or do: 
When I was 7, I had my first girlfriend. I loved her so much. We'd walk hand-in-hand to school, sometimes innocently kiss. One day, I turned up to a few of her friends crying in class while I looked at her empty seat. I soon found out a drunk driver had killed her and her little brother in a car accident. That day I felt lost, just staring at her seat thinking, "She should be sitting there. Why has she been taken away?" This really affected me in a social manner. I became really withdrawn.

Not long after, our family became Jehovah's Witnesses. It was then the bullying at school started.

When I was a 14-year-old boy, I was being bullied a lot at school over having epilepsy and over my religious beliefs. I ended up really withdrawn and only had one friend at school. The bullying was awful. The Indian children at the school used to break windows with my head. They'd kick me and make awful remarks throughout lessons. The whole higher school experience did me no good at all. This wasn't the only abuse that happened though.

First of all, I must say I lived with my mum and stepfather, who were totally normal and loving parents and NEVER did anything wrong, in my opinion.

In my 14th year, my friend got an after-school job at a butcher's. Being a naive 14-year-old, I wanted the same, so I went into town to the first butcher's and asked for a job. The boss looked me up and down in a way I'd never seen before. He said, "Welcome aboard."

I remember seeing the dead animals being delivered and put into the huge freezer. In the butcher's itself there were about 5 men working—all in their 20's—a woman, and another teen who was a little older than me. He became a friend there for me...his name was Paul.

One day, after rushing into work after a day of bullying at school (I never told my family about this), I put my white apron on that smelled of dead animals and started washing the butchers knives and cutters, etc. I got called into the main shop, and then the boss called me into the hallway there. In front of everyone in the shop, he grabbed hold of me and cuddled and kissed me. I feel disgusted talking about it. I tried to push him away, but his arms got stronger. Everyone who worked in the shop just walked by doing their chores, ignoring what was going on. He nibbled my ear, but I managed to free myself. Upset, I grabbed my coat, walked out and went to the health food shop next door where my sister worked. While I was telling her I had to go home (she couldn't understand why) Paul came rushing in and started desperately trying to convince me to go back and told me the same things had happened with him. I ignored him and went home. My mum and uncle took me to the butcher's to talk to him. He acted all innocent; and somehow, I don't remember how, he convinced me to go back working there. I wanted the cash, so I went back. I saw the relief in Paul's face the next day.

The boss acted fine with me at first, but winked at me in the sleazy way he did. One day, when I went into the freezer, he followed and pulled the huge door closed. I remember seeing the half-bodied pigs swinging and thinking how horrible they smelled and how dark the freezer was. Things happened that I still feel uneasy talking about. The next day, he kissed me again in front of everyone. I had had enough. I grabbed my coat and walked out. All I remember of that is the desperation I saw in Paul's face as he tried to call me back. To this day, I wonder what happened to him. I feel terrible for walking away, leaving him behind to face the same abuse.

I went home and told my family. As far as I know, my mum went to have a go at him, but the police were never involved, although I wanted them to be. I was told that this would put me through a lot of stress and I would see him again and the police would want to undress me and inspect me. I was convinced not to talk. Nothing more has ever been said about that time.

After then, I went back to school and the bullying carried on for another year. Teachers didn't care or believe me when I tried to tell on the bullies. As I was worrying if I could run away from the bullying on the break, I just couldn't be bothered to listen at school classes. After telling my mum, she went into the school and talked to the teachers. She gave them a right pasting. I was then put in a 'special' school for troubled students. I loved it at the time. The work was junior school work, only lasted the morning and only occurred 3 days a week. Due to this though, I never had the opportunity to take exams and start a career.

Soon after my martial arts classes, which started when I was 14, continued on for years and became a main thing in my life. I never found counselling any use at all, and my martial arts were therefore my way to recover. Now, as a 32-year-old man who knows many martial arts, if I could get hold of the people who bullied me who abused me...I wouldn't want to do the obvious thing and kick the crap out of them; rather, I would ask them why they did what they did. They must have had a reason. Maybe they'd been abused themselves or came from a troubled background. I'm very interested in those who have done wrong and why they did what they did...does the bible not say 'Judge not lest you be judged yourself'? I am not condoning any mistreatment, but for myself and the treatment I went through as one person, I am eager to understand why these people are what they are.

Over my adult life I have had nightmares about my past. I have strange thoughts I never thought I'd have. I don't make friends too easily. I have tried working, but got sacked due to my epilepsy, and my brain is too affected by my pills to do anything.

I do love my martial arts, and I must add, a few years ago after walking out the back of a pub, when I found 5 men raping a woman I pushed myself in and beat them. I remember seeing the girl's face. It was like a cry for help. It kills me when I hear of people being abused, more so women...I know that sounds sexist, but I hate men who abuse women, and I won't think twice about stopping them. All I can see in my head is that girl's face. That alone occurs for me in nightmares.

From my point of view, my head is mentally messed up and always will be. The last time I saw a counsellor, she kept going into her own little world and just nodding her head as I talked to her. She, along with all the other people I talked to, were useless.

Religion wise, I'm an atheist, because I don't know what to believe: Christian-DONE; spiritualist-DONE; Pagan-DONE...now I've given up on religion too, and I stick to martial arts.

There are many stories today I have read on here that genuinely made me cry. And if I'm honest, if I could get hold of the abusers of those I wouldn't hesitate to beat them. I do know this is not the right thing to do though, but I find I'm very protective of females; I have no idea why.

I lead a semi-normal life, but can't work as I'm not allowed to, so I work on my Elvis website now, being a huge fan. I'm working towards going to Graceland. I also spend time on capoeira-my most recent martial art!

I'd say to anyone who has been abused...there's no easy way out, apart from suicide (which incidentally I did try) and that is not a viable answer. My way out was martial arts-more so muay thai. As alone as you may feel, there are people out there who, although have not been through exactly the same and may have different opinions to how you should deal with it, can help. You're worth a lot more than self-harming, suicide or alcohol and drugs. You have a terrible past, but up ahead of you is a future which, to an extent, you can control. Sure you can't dismiss what has happened, and in no way can you forget it, but always remember that the terrible things that have happened to you will make you more understanding, more open-minded, literally and ultimately an amazing person. At least feel proud you've taken a step to coming to this website. It's your first step in controlling your future.

Darlene's comments to this "Child Abuse Story From Glen" can be found at Comments below this submission. Depending on system activity, there are sometimes delays in comments going live on my site; but rest assured, they do eventually appear. So if you don't yet see them, I hope you will return later to read what I, and possibly others, have written. I thank you for your patience and understanding.

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