Child Abuse Story From Girl Not Broken

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Child Abuse Story From Girl Not Broken

by Girl Not Broken
(Greenville, South Carolina, USA)

What I didn't want to believe:
This all started when I was a baby. My brother was molested by the father of my three sisters. At that time, I didn't know this had happened to him.

My brother was two years older than me, so I looked up to him . . . until he started molesting me. He started by trying to put his penis in my mouth. He tried to make me have anal sex. Thankfully, he didn't know what he was doing, so he didn't do any major damage to me . . . at least not physically.

After that experience, there was another boy that was a lot older than me who would come to my grandmother's house. He would have me feel on his privates as he did the same to me. I never told this to my family. I still see him around.

Since my dad wasn't ever in my life, I believe that I grew to think that what my brother and that boy did to me was a type of affection that guys showed you when they cared.

After both those experiences, things got rough in my family. I was placed in a foster home. When I was 7 years old, a 16-year-old started molesting me while I lived in that foster home. I thought that if I told, I would get in trouble. I have no clue why I thought that.

The 16-year-old did as he pleased, although he never made me perform any sexual acts, just touch and feeling on him. Now that I think about it, it seems that I enjoyed the feelings . . . at least I thought I did, but I really didn't. It's all so confusing. It has affected me majorly, because I don't know how to approach a guy without thinking that he only wants sex.

The only thing that keeps me sane through all this is that I am still a virgin. I haven't had any sexual relations because I cannot bring myself to allow my heart that much misery. I am so afraid of getting my heart broken that I try to stay away from guys. I don't know what to do.

I'm currently in college. I don't have a boyfriend, not that I need one, but at times I get really lonely. I believe that every guy will hurt me, and if they don't hurt me, I find a way to make sure they do so that I can stay away from them. I know this may sound strange, but I don't know how I'm supposed to be treated by a man. I can't look at my mother's relationships. A lot of her relationships were unhealthy.

I'm scared. I'm scared to go on with my life, because I feel that I will allow a guy to do what has already been done to me, and if that happens, it will tear my heart and soul to pieces.

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Child Abuse Story From Girl Not Broken

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Nov 14, 2007

I understand your fear and apprehension
by: Darlene Barriere - webmaster

What your brother and those two other boys did to you was indefensible; they should have to answer for their crimes against you.

I want to point out that even "touching" as you described it, is considered a sexual act. There doesn't have to be intercourse in order for it to be considered sexual relations.

Given what you have lived through, your apprehension about a relationship with a man is understandable. You were betrayed by ALL the men in your life: your biological father, who was not there for you; your stepfather, who also was not there for you; your brother, who molested you; the two boys who were a part of your life at the time also molested you. And if that wasn't bad enough, your mother did not protect you either.

Little girls who's father's are absent, both physically and emotionally, often grow up believing as you did; that any type of affection by a boy or man—even molestation—is a display of love and caring.

All is not lost. You are not doomed to live out your life alone, nor are you doomed to live out your life being abused in one form or another. You did not have the ability to make choices for yourself when you were a little girl. You DO have that ability now, as an adult. But you need help to sort through all the emotional baggage that you have been saddled with.

You've probably read this before in comments I've written to other story contributors: I strongly urge you to seek out some form of counselling to help you deal with the emotional residue of your childhood. You truly are worth it. You deserve to have real love and caring in your life.

Healthy relationships involve mutual respect, a healthy self-esteem, communication, negotiation, and a balance of power between the two people. I recommend you read through the article I wrote on this site titled Is This Type of Violence Considered Child Abuse? for more information on the subject of healthy and unhealthy relationships.

Nov 30, 2007

Sweetheart
by: Kaleigh

It's okay, I know exactly how you feel and believe me it scares the shit out of me too.
When my friends had boyfriends I was insanely jealous of the affection but also too scared to go into any relationship because doing so would give that person access to my body and my mentality and I just couldn't do that.
But I found it helped to talk to other people, like my friend Brad (who's gay) I don't know what I'd do without him.
I know I'm not ready and I know one day I might find a guy I kinda like though I'll probably make him jump through hoops to prove he won't hurt me.
Building a strong friend base will help and lots of understanding and talking, going to movies. I know that I wouldn't be here if not for some of them. And I know how lonely it gets, sometimes it's so unbearable you just want to curl up into a ball on the street and not get up, feeling like garbage and street trash.
I believe more than anything that there is someone out there for everyone and they will break down the walls we have erected to protect ourselves. So don't stop hoping, there is someone for you, for all of us that have to go through this hell.
I believe in you, so don't give up.
p.s. when I get depressed I curl up with a pint of ice cream and watch action movies ^_^ yumm...nothing to heal a hurting heart like ice cream!
Huggs, be strong and if you need anything I'm just an email away.

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Child Abuse Story From Girl Not Broken

Comments for Child Abuse Story From Girl Not Broken

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Child Abuse Story From Girl Not Broken