Child Abuse Story From Gina

by Gina
(Hicksville, New York, USA)

I have empathy for anyone who has faced any type of abuse, whether it be physical, mental, emotional or ambient {character abuse}. I have faced all four from my father, and the truth is; the abusers do not have self-esteem. They rob you of your innocence - and are completely selfish and un-fair. A common phrase you will hear from them: "Well, life is unfair."

I never understood abuse. It was something I couldn't quite point my finger on. Was it my fault? Why does this seem so distorted? Why do I know something is not right, yet I can't escape...?

My father abused my mother physically, mentally, emotionally - all the type of abuse that usually are related with a narcissist. He wasn't even on drugs or alcohol, and yet he was this MEAN. He must have been deeply hurt. As a young child between the age newborn to 6th grade, I don't remember much. What I do remember is being told:

"You klutz, can't you see?"

"The doctors must have left a few screws in your head from the brain surgery, that's why you're confused." (I had an aneurysm removed at approximately 10 years old.)

"You're just like your mother."

"If it's not you, it's him."

"You don't say it like this, you say it like that; you sound stupid."

"You rotate the paper towel this way!" (I was being shown how to clean.)


I remembering being:

- hit across the face for no reason

- screamed at if a pan was left in the sink

- screamed at if the closet door in the room was open

- screamed at if the drawer in the bathroom was left open

- hit with a belt in the middle of the night because the backdoor in the house was unlocked

This is my story...

My parent's divorced. My mother brought my brother and me to a safe home where we stayed for a few weeks while my mother filed for divorced. My father fought for custody (power, control, attention) and lost. We lived with my mother, but she had substance abuse problems and could not take care of us any longer. My brother and I decided (in 6th & 8th grade) that living with my dad would be best.

It started off rosy. My brother and I had a rough life before then and still. My mother would hardly come to see us, so if that was the case, my father would go ballistic (it was always a grand drama in the house). He started asking perfection of my brother and me. We needed to have "RULES" aka "Abuse Vents." He called us f**ked up kids. "We couldn't listen and couldn't do anything right."

Eventually, the abuse got worse and worse. There were nice times, after an inflicted occurrence of outbursts. He slapped me in the car after picking me up from work at age 17 or 18 because he was picking a fight for no reason. I didn't say anything back, and that outraged him. He threw me down on the floor a few times if I was on the computer late at night. But what hurt the most were the comments he made about my free thought. I would say something and he would say, "You don't say it that way, you say it this way." It was over nothing serious.

I couldn't take the abuse anymore, so I moved out for 7 months at 20 years old. I soon forgot about the mad-man and moved back because I needed to get my feet back on the ground. (OH BOY!) I recall moving back at 21. PURE HELL! I figured at that point, things would be better because I matured and was responsible.

If a closet door in MY room was left open (abuse)

If a drawer was left open (abuse)

If we forgot our house key (abuse)

If there was a pan or dirty dish in the sink (abuse)

I used to get off the bus from work, walk miles and miles to the mall so I could come home about 9:30 pm to go into my room and go to sleep. I recall numerous times coming in the door to a raging lunatic with a frying pan in his hand, spitting, face red because it was left in the sink (mostly from my brother). But, the point is, he was insane.

One night the backdoor was left open. It was around 2 in the morning. All of a sudden I hear, "THE BACK DOOR WAS LEFT OPEN!" I was getting whipped with a belt. He was going back and forth to my brother's room and mine, hitting us, until I screamed and ran out of the house. The next day, I went to work...and started crying. It was a miracle time in my life. I spoke with a close co-worker and she insisted I speak with someone. That someone strongly encouraged me to get out of the house. I found an apartment.

I still continued a relationship with my father afterwards (when you don't understand the abuse, you just don't understand the cycle). He was nice, won me over with grocery buying, things I needed for my apartment. Slowly, emotional abuse came back. Innocent "suggestions" about what I should do with this, or that in my life. Then criticisms, then blow-ups...slights, demeaning comments. But in his eyes, "I WAS OVER-REACTING." He told me that my perceptions "WEREN'T RIGHT." He was still in control because he knew that I knew physical was obvious, but he didn't know that I knew all other abuse is just as bad!!!

Examples of verbal, emotional abuse from 21 - 26 years old:

- My dad was "helping me" by taking me to the insurance agency for my car (after I told him I ran into a jam and he insisted on me telling him, so he can "help me") asked me where the bank was. I pointed to the ATM machine which had my bank's name and said "Dad, there's a bank!" In an evil, mean tone, "That's not a bank, that's an ATM machine; how can you be so stupid?"

- My dad was "helping me" by taking me to the DMV for my car. He asked me about a car part. I called it by the wrong name. He went into the same exact abusive mode as he did with the ATM machine...totally over-reacting, embarrassing me.

- If I would say I went to my friend's and watched the boxing game, he would laugh condescendingly," It's NOT A BOXING GAME; IT'S A MATCH."

I'm 26 years old now, and have been doing research on this for the past few months. Other than the abuse, my father displays extreme narcissistic traits: Everything is all about him, negative talking about everyone. When he isn't abusive towards me, it's all the BAD, poor me stuff in his life. I can't believe the extremes of this.

I stopped communication with my father at 26 years old because I knew he wasn't going to change. I tried to talk to him about the way he treats me. He said I was over-reacting and ungrateful. I can see right through his acts of kindness.

I just hope that anyone dealing with this doesn't think it is their fault. It's been so painful. I read the article on here about the mother who was in jail and said that her son was over-reacting (see Exchange with an Abuser). My dad now asks, "What do I have to do?"

Narcissistic people have zero self-esteem. They rob us of our true feelings, thoughts, persona...and somehow when we stop communication with them, the outside world just doesn't understand. This is so serious, BUT in other ways NOT ABOUT YOU, it's about them...they project how they feel about themselves onto you.

I forgive my father for his distorted view, because without it he would be a normal, loving person. I hope this helped.

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