Child Abuse Story From Fran

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Child Abuse Story From Fran

by Fran
(USA)

My mom is awesome, she is very loving and pretty much the best mother in the world, and my dad was very good too, he died when i was 10 , i'm 19 now, and he touched me once, just once and i think he was drunk, we never talked about it, and i forgave him, i really did. But the thing is, my mom thinks he was an awesome person, which he was, he was so good!, and i don't know if i should tell her what he did, because she would be devastated, and he is dead anyway, so i wonder if it wouldn't it be better that she just keep thinking he was an honorable man. i dont know if i should tell her anyway cuz she deserves to know even though it is going to break her heart.
ps: im really ok, i forgave him a long time ago, i just wanna do what my mom deserves!

Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coach

Note from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Fran

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Sep 09, 2011

Fran:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

This questioning you're experiencing isn't about your mom, it's about you. You obviously feel the need to tell her, for reasons I suggest you explore. Sometimes, when we here someone talk highly of a person we know was not all that "good", it's difficult for us to hear, especially if we hear it a lot. It can niggle at us and threaten our healing. Deep down in your heart, you know your father was not so awesome. At this point in your healing, the question isn't if you should do what your mother deserves; the question is what do you deserve. You already know the likely outcome. And you already believe that no good will come of telling her, at least not on her side. The good will come to you, at least partially; a good that may only be short-lived and may affect the quality of your relationship with your mother. After all, you don't know how she'll respond. So now you must decide what's more important. Before deciding though, I strongly urge you to seek out some form of counselling in order to first free your Self of the residual. Once you free your Self, you stand a better chance of making a decision that is truly based on what both you AND your mother deserve. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Sep 09, 2011

just my opinion
by: Carrie

Hi,

Darlene is right, it is about you, it is obviously nagging at you and not leaving you. You say that you are alright and you have forgiven him but that is what a lot of us tell ourselves to cope. The reality that we may not be as alright as we think might be too painful. As Darlene suggests, consider getting some help for yourself as you deserve the best for yourself. These situations don't just go away on their own. We can only sweep them under the carpet for so long, and they will come up through sickness or other ways if we don't deal with them head on. I am in counseling myself and it is amazing what you discover when you work through it with someone. Take care of you, you deserve the best.

Carrie

Sep 22, 2011

Find your peace, support your self
by: Jill

Fran,
I can see that you care deeply about your mother and would never want to hurt her. You also care about your father because even though he did this to you, you understand that it's about the behavior not the person. However he was avoiding his responsibility by not protecting you from himself. Not being able to tell your mom has been hurting you for a long time.

As survivors of childhood sexual abuse, it is typical to want to protect others because it means that we can temporarily avoid taking responsibility for what's going on inside ourselves. For years, my brother and I would avoid being honest with our mother because we were afraid of her being upset because we knew how sensitive she was. As an adult, I needed to let go of my fear of hurting her or losing her favor because I was literally dying inside from not telling her about my father's sexual abuse.

Since I couldn't talk to her about it, I wrote her a letter and it gave her time to digest before she contacted me again. Before I sent the letter I'd decided I was ok with whatever her response was because I was already at peace with myself. Of course she was very sad, but she didn't die. She recovered and validated me. Even if she hadn't, that choice would have been hers to make.

In order for you to recover you have to face and let go of the fears of not being validated and hurting your mother. The abuse was never your fault or responsibility. What if she had walked in on your father while he was abusing you? She would have had to face it then anyway.

Whether you decide to tell her or not is up to you. In order to care about yourself you need to find a way to have closure and be at peace. What happened to you was real and it hurt to have your father violate you even if it was just once.

Peace be with you!

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Child Abuse Story From Fran

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Child Abuse Story From Fran