Child Abuse Story From Flower In The Attic

by Flower In The Attic
(Pennsylvania, USA)

I was raised by a single parent who was insane. She was very educated and bright, but demented. Her parents gave her lots of money, and she kept me out of school (even though I begged to go) and mainly home-schooled me. She used brainwashing and threats that she would kill our pets, my grandparents and herself if I left home or told of her mental and physical abuse. My grandparents and family didn't intervene, even when she clawed at me at family gatherings.

When I started to get prettier, she got angrier and kicked me out of my bedroom, down to the basement. I had to sleep on an old mattress, next to an old oil heater. There was no bathroom.

Finally, I did one brave thing. I convinced her if she bought a P/C, she could meet a man online for herself. She bought the P/C, and I would sneak online in middle of the night. I made friends online, and they helped me escape home.

The week before I left home, my mother shoved me down the cellar steps. She came after me with an ice pick and gouged my temple. She said she would kill me. She said she should've aborted me. She called me the devil. That was my final impetus to leave; I was sure she was getting worse and would kill me.

I left my hometown for 10 years. I did amazingly well at functioning. Sadly, the man who rescued me from my mother was nice for 2 years, but then he turned sick and twisted. Since he kept telling me he saved my life and rescued me, I made myself his grateful, unpaid assistant. I did everything he wanted me to. He ended up slapping and shoving and hitting and choking me. He verbally abused me. The abuse I suffered growing up, he would throw in my face. He hit me for stupid reasons (such as I had to leave his apartment to buy Xmas dinner, but instead he said I had to stay and help him wrap gifts for his 20 relatives. I was going to spend Xmas alone, and yet he still wanted me to help him...he choked me and said it was my fault because if I wasn't defective at wrapping gifts, I could've left and bought my dinner.)

And yes, I was in therapy for a long time too. I spent perhaps over 150k over the course of 10 years with top NYC shrinks.

I returned to my hometown after 11 years of being away. My grandmother was sick, and I still cared about her. Plus my ex-boyfriend was tormenting me, saying he would take a machete to any guy he saw me dating in his 'town.' So I wanted to flee, and I thought the wounds had healed from the abuse in my hometown...bad bad bad idea to return to this town. I've emotionally fallen apart and I'm unable to do my job. I'm deeply depressed. All I do is have nightmares that are triggered by the abuse. Weird how moving back opened all those wounds.

It's too late to sue, because statutes of limitations have all run out. The only reason I did not press charges was because my grandparents begged ne not to. (My mother tried to injure her dad when I fled home, and her parents finally came to terms with her insanity.)

My mother ironically is always taken care of. She is still in her house, and has a state-appointed guardian. I have spoken to the guardian, Ms. H, at length. She does not express any concern at how dangerous my mother can be.
My mother harasses her neighbors, and the police have come to her house 25 times this year alone, according to others. But no one does anything.

So I moved back here. I had a very stressful job, and I am currently out of work. So now I have to come up with 5k-6k FAST. The mortgage is getting way behind. I have turned to my mother's brothers. They told me since my dad was dead, that if I ever need anything, they would help. They both have money, but now when I asked them for a loan and offered to pay a generous 15% back, they are ignoring me.

My grandmother, who died in the spring, knew about the abuse. She figured out how bad it was after I fled home. She left me as a co-beneficiary to my mother in a small trust. Now the lawyer is refusing to advance me any money, even though that was my grandmother's oral directive. (She didn't write it in the trust; she left it at his sole discretion.) The lawyer is AWARE of the abuse and does not care. Man that is cold.

So I've tried everything to come up with this money (even asking my abusive ex-boyfriend, who I spent a lot of money on over last several years) and was approved for a home equity line of credit (HELOC). The HELOC was turned down by the bank on Christmas Eve. It turns out that my credit report still shows a debt from 5 years ago that I have a cancelled check for.

I have really tried and am faced in next two weeks with losing everything. But you know what? I am being BRAVE. I am not afraid of anything anymore. I am no longer being silent about the abuse. I tried to explain to my family how abusive my mother was in the past, they just say to move on.

Moving back to my hometown, I have finally been hit full-force with a flood of memories. (Sleep deprivation to the extreme, chased, beaten, locked in the cellar or outside of the house in the dead of winter, jagged edge of cans forced into my face, forced to stand still and not move, falsely imprisoned in her house.)

I no longer am going to deny abuse. As of today, I'm sending a letter to all immediate family members about my life growing up. If they still don't want to help me, that's fine. But at least everything will be laid out in the open. I'm not going to beat myself up any further. Moving back here, I AM SO SO SO proud of myself to be functioning and not a complete basket case.

I no longer care who knows about the extreme abuse I was exposed to. It happened to me. It still haunts me, but I will not let it own me. I will not let it quietly taunt me. I will shout out what happened and cleanse myself with the naming.

Wish me well!