Child Abuse Story From Emotional Wreck
by Emotional Wreck
(Location Undisclosed)
I was abused by both my brothers as a young child, but I highly doubt they were aware that the other also abused me. I don't quite remember when it started but I may have been as young as 6. They would come into my room at night or at any time in the day if no one was around and play with my privates, lay on my bed and then eventually lay on top of me and pleasure themselves. They are more than 10 years older than me. Fortunately for me they did not insert their penises inside my little frame but they would still ejaculate on me. This happened on a regular basis and I'm very ashamed to say that although I just laid there I began to enjoy the attention and the pleasure from these encounters and would not be angry if and when they did come.
I was and still am a shy person so they had no worries that I would say anything. This went on till my teenage years. One brother stopped when I was around 11 and the other continued to take advantage of me til I was around 14, until I had began to resent him for still coming to me even though he was married. So I told him to stop or if he came in my room I would tell him to go away or not to touch me which I really wish I had the guts to do many years ago. I later learned that he just couldn't help himself as I saw that he would hug my friends too tightly or touch there bums, etc. So until recently I would refuse to talk to him on the phone and would give him cold small talk when they would visit. But recently I have tried to forgive as he doesn't seem right in the head and I feel he needs help. But anyway, his wife has recently given birth to a beautiful daughter which I should have been happy about but it makes me cry every time I think about the fact he has unlimited access to her and I think I still have time til she reaches around 4 til he starts to think about touching her but thinking about it, he is so nasty. I wouldn't put it past him that he has already started.
Shortly before her birth I learnt that my sister had shared the same sentiment and was also not pleased he was having a girl. Then she eventually forced it out of me that I was abused and was shocked to hear that my innocent childhood wasn't so innocent. She had told me that he had tried it with her but she had fought him off. But told me that he had also touched up one of our cousins and some of my sister's friends. She then referred to him as a paedophile which really burst my bubble that he just made a mistake with me. My brother is a paedophile and I'm still too scared and ashamed to tell my boyfriend, my family or my bros wife so that she can protect her daughter. I'm scared to ruin his life and break their marriage. My sister said she will threaten both brothers (my other brother has a daughter but is less perverse and I have some faith that he wouldn't touch her) and say if they touch their daughters she will tell the whole family what they are about, but hasn't yet. I feel helpless and scared for my nieces and I'm just relying on having a talk with them when they are around 7 to find out if they are being abused too. I hate what this has done to me emotionally. I look after a child and can't help but think about what a sick person would do to him. I would never touch him like that but it comes into my head that I could if I was sick like my bros. I'm even scared to clean him sometimes wondering if I've wiped him too many times and end up not bathing him properly just so I can be at peace with myself. I hate my brothers because I know I'm even going to have them thoughts when I have my own kids, and be very paranoid about who comes near them. Even their own father. I don't want this to ruin my life. But most of all, I don't want my nieces to go through the same thing.
My boyfriend doesn't know about this but he says I show signs of dysfunction and believes it's because of my absent father. I can't bring myself to tell him coz don't want him to know how dysfunctional my family is. I'm so ashamed of them. I know it could be worse but I have no pride in my family. Sorry for the long story.
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