Child Abuse Story From Emma

by Emma
(Indiana, USA)

I dont really know where start. i guess from when i was born, i was born in 1989. i never saw my father. when my mother had me she had lost 3 of her children because she abandoned them. my brothers were 7 and my sister was 2.
later my mother got her children back after telling the welfare system she didnt want them until thier father stepped in and said that he wanted them.
my sister told me once when she got visitation and my sister saw me that my hair was so digusting that they had to shave my head because she didnt bathe me.
My mother was a drug addict and an alcoholic.
My first memories were living in New Hampshire where my mother met my step dad. they got married and moved to Arizona where we lived when i was about 3 or 4.
me, my brother who was now 10 and my sister who was 12 lived with us.
My step dad was a coke and heroin dealer.
my mother worked at a nursing home as a cna from 3-11 so we didnt see her much. she was beat and raped alot too. sadly we witnessed alot of it. he had some kind of hand gun he used to threaten us with.
he used to take me and my brother in his room and make us preform sexual acts on us. he never took my virginity because he said even with that left i would never be able to be loved.
He and i believe my mother had to know of it but we were sold out to his drug dealer friends.
i remember my brother was once sold for 400$.
He would also take me to his room for hours at a time and ask me over and over if my mother was cheating on him.
my mother was my whole world so i always told him no and for all that i knew she hadnt. he would hold spoons over candles and burn my legs, he cut me with knives, he took lit ciggarettes and burned my gentalia. alot of these scars i still have. he used to make us do pointless chores that he would beat us while we were doing. when we got blames for things my brother would usually just take the blame. one time he got beat so bad that he we in bed for 3 days and we werent aloud to speak to him. i would go in at night and sneak him water.
my sister nothing or little of the sexual abuse that went on. i know she knew of the beating because it was her job to dress me and she would put long sleves on me so the teachers at school wouldnt ask questions. she said they would take us to a bad place and to never tell anyone.
one time i came home from school and wanted a whole peanut butter and jelly sandwich and my brother made it for me and i couldnt finish it so my step dad said fine youll finish it when it dinner time so i put it in the fridge but i knew there was going to be more to it than just that. when i got to the table there was the sandwich i haddent finished and 5 more. i was not aloud to leave the table until i finished them i finished them but i threw up. i got in trouble for washing my hair out which was extremely long and he grabbed me by my hair and knocked one of my teeth out on the bed. my sister called my mom who came home and got the crap beat out of her for having something to say about it.

we watched him rape her and beat her with a belt on many occasions.
my sister finally called our older brother who was like 25 at the time and he moved to arizona from virginia and when he got there my step dad had the gun so he made him give it to him, he sent us to our room and took it apart, beat my step dad and made him leave. later him and my mother got together but by then he was drinking on top of his medication so he was never really abusive again. i dont think when they got back together that they stopped the drugs and they continued to drink but later they split up and i lived with my mother when i was about 11. she would get drunk and have nobody else to fight with and she would beat on me. i was big enough to hit her back but i dont believe anyone should hit thier mother so i never did and i knew that if she was sober she probably wouldnt do those things. she broke my arm when she threw me into a car, i was trying to get back out and she shut the door on it. after that i kind of just lived by myself wherever i could. later my mom got with her current boyfriend, he was addicted to meth and he would freak out sometimes but he never really got violent. he went to prison now and is sober. i grew up, i lost my virginity to a boy at 13 he was 14. we ended up having 3 children, 2 of them were twins and they died because i was only 14 and i couldnt carry them. i got married at 16 when my other son was 9 months old. although i havent always made the best choices in life i had my son, my husband became addicted to drugs and i left him and them going through a few relationships i became pregnant with my daughter who turned one on august 27th 2010. i am now also currently pregnant with my boyfriends baby. i have known him since 8th grade. i would like to say that despite all the things that have happened to me, i have turned out to be a decent person. i dont beat my kids. to ensure that i never got to the point of beating my kids i just dont hit them as a punishment. i never saw what good it did anyways. my children have grown up to be happy healthy children. someday i will tell them parts of my story. i have found that i can be loved. i have confronted my mother and step dad about these things and they have denied them both but it doesnt matter. i became what they never expected me to be and i believe as long as people are strong and have something to believe in even if its themselves they can overcome the things that have happened to them.

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