Child Abuse Story From Emma

by Emma
(USA)

I am 18 and I am tired...deeply tired: 
I don't remember it quite clear, but I was first sexually molested when I was just a little girl. Maybe seven or eight. It was in a garage. The man was my father's close friend. Whenever my father talked about him, he referred to him as his brother. The man's mother died when he was a young teen and my father's mother took him in as his own. When he and my father were eighteen, they moved together to LA. They roomed together and started their American dream together. They were parted for several years after my father and mother were married.

I was maybe six when this man was introduced to me. He was a round man. Bald, short, fat man. Fat cheeks, fat legs, fat hands, everything. I liked him from the start. He became my uncle. Since our home was a one bedroom place, he was left to sleep on the living room floor. Two blankets were his mattress and along with a pillow and another blanket, that became his nightly and complete bedroom.

I would daily go into our garage to play with my dolls. I had exactly two dolls. One was a thin blonde, while the other one dark, with dark hair. My best friend often came over to play. We would build the doll's house first, compare to see whose was the best, and then we would always be too tired to even play. Socks, wood blocks, and little pieces of cloth were the main construction pieces of our houses.

He took the opportunity one day when both my parents were working. That day he took the day off, so he was the one who picked me up from the babysitter. That would be half an hour before my mother was to arrive home, so my parents didn't see it as an inconvenience. I was excited to go home of course. After my cheese sandwich, I raced him to the garage. I took the blonde doll, while he took the dark one. I beat him to the garage of course. We sat down and I started to build the doll's house. Then he carried me and took me to the green sofa we had down there. I looked at his fat face and he told me he wanted to play a different game. Lucky son a bitch, I had my mini skirt on, so he didn't have to take off my pants or anything. He began by touching my legs. It tickled and I didn't see anything wrong. "Do it again," I told him while giggling. He did. This time, he went higher than my leg. With his fat index finger, he moved my underwear aside and began to 'massage.' He then smiled at me and moved his finger inside me. Very concerned he told me to tell him if it hurt, then and only then, he would stop. It didn't, so he didn't stop.

The next time was when I was ten. He was my thirteen-year-old cousin. We were at my grandparents' house. We were watching cartoons. We were sitting between the two beds my grandma had in that room. He closed and door of the bedroom and came back to sit next to me where he formerly was. He turned down the volume and placed his hand on my knee. He told me stand up. I did everything as he told me. He then pulled my shorts down to my ankles and 'examined' me with his fingers. Curious, I thought. He then pulled his pants down and his briefs and pushed me closed to him. Even before we touched, he had an erection. He kept moving me to and away from his penis, which I totally saw it as funny.

The next day at his house, he told his mom he wanted to show me the birds upstairs, so my aunt allowed us to go. He pulled his pants down and showed me his penis, as if I hadn't had a good look at it the previous day. I looked at him and asked what he was doing. He said nothing, while he pulled his pants back on. He then told me that since he had showed me his, that it was only fair of me to show him my private area. Even before I had a chance to respond, he already was trying to pull my pants down. I tried pushing him away, but he was too strong. I screamed at him to stop, telling him I didn't like the game he was playing. His mother came upstairs pretty quick. She asked about my screaming. He simply said it was the tickling game that had made me scream.

That same year accounted for my third. This time it was with my twenty-something-year-old cousin. I had slept over at his house. He slept in the same room as my aunt. That night, I slept with my aunt. In the morning when I woke up, she told me she was going to be right back. While she was at the store, I went over to my cousin's bed. He started tickling and hugging me. We laid face up, and then I noticed he had an erection. I asked him what that was. He laughed. I was curious, so I grabbed it and squeezed it. He made a groan like he was in pain. So I stopped. I slept in my underwear, so that's all he had to pull down. He got on top of me and tried to have sex with me. Of course his penis was too big, so it didn't fit. He then told me lay on my belly to try from behind. As soon as he tried, his next door neighbor's daughter, my friend, walked into the room. She was shocked at the sight. He put my underwear back on, while at the same time telling the little girl that I was not ready to go out. She immediately left. I never found out if she knew what he was doing to me. "Let's play," I told him. He dressed me properly and told me, "If someone asks, we were just playing."

I am 18 and I am tired...deeply tired...

Note from Darlene:
I am currently working on creating e-books which will provide my visitors access to specific and relevant child abuse information more readily. As this project will require a great deal of time and focus, I regret that I can no longer continue the practice of offering comments on all submissions. Please do not take my lack of response to your story personally; I mean no disrespect, nor is it intended as an invalidation of what you have endured. Indeed, I am honoured that you have chosen to post what has happened to you on my site. Whenever time permits, I will endeavour to provide supportive and validating replies. I hope you and my other visitors will continue to offer words of support and encouragement to the many contributors who have courageously shared of themselves through this site. I thank you for your understanding.

Sincerely,

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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