Child Abuse Story From Emily4
by Emily
(USA)
Emotionally abused and sometimes physically:
I'm now 21 years old but I'd like to talk about what happend to me when I was younger and some of what happens now. I dont really remember when it all started happening. I was always the "problem child" I guess. I had always had an issue with being bullied at school and I spent most of my life being called ugly by several people. I had very low self-esteem and it seemed like my parents could not understand why I cried all the time.
Then my parents started fighting and things seemed to get worse and worse. My dad would scream at me and tell me that i was stupid and I would never amount to anything and mom would just stand back and let him say those things. Sometime he would grab me by the hair and throw me to the ground when I'd try to get away from him. or he'd block me from being able to get away from him. After a while, I started to believe them because they're your parents and what they say has to be right, yeah? So I started to not do my work at school and all I wanted to do at home was sleep or read. I mean, if I was stupid why should i put any effort into anything? My grades dropped and they started to put me on all these medications for ADHD (which I don't have) and sending me to a psychiatrist. He never helped either. He was always on my parents side and I never really felt like I could discuss my problems with him.
By age 12 I was overly obsessed with porn and masturbation because my parents never talked to me about it, or if they did it was to say anything sexual before marriage was a sin. So I did what felt good to me. But I didnt have sex until I was 18. And when my mom found out that i had, she said in the most hateful voice possible, "Well, you cant wear white on your wedding day now." and then walked out of the room. She never apologized either.
My dad has threatend to punch me, kill me, hurt me so bad I'll never be able to walk again, etc. etc. He's called me a whore, and made sure that each of my boyfriends know that each guy i meet I have to spread my legs for. Which is not true in the least. I have slept with several guys but it isnt every guy i meet. Dad even told my husband that I've got the mentallity of a 12 year old! He's always putting me down and telling me that I'm immature and have no idea what i'm doing, and that I need to grow up when he and mom never would let me grow up. I was never aloud to go out with friends, join clubs at school, I wasnt aloud to recieve presents from friends, and the only thing that I could really call my own was my drawing. My diaries were read, my room gone through, my parents would take stuff and sell it without telling me, I had to password protect my laptop so they wouldnt read all of my stuff. I was told that if I wanted to live in their house, I'd have to follow their rules so even when I was 18, scratch that, even at 21 they would make it so I felt trapped in the house- no going out with friends or if I did I had to be home by a certain time. I can understand wanting to protect your child, but dont you think that's a little overboard?
I wasnt allowed to handle my own money. My parents were the only ones with acces to my money, (money I earned at work!) And if I spent it on anything they didnt like- clothes, movies, ect. I was severely punished. Mind you this is after I turned 18. I got a tattoo and my mom ordered me to go get removed. When I said no, she slapped me across the face and told me I was a worthless child and then demanded that I pay her the $85 it cost me to get the tattoo like it was her money I used!
Anyway, I now have a wonderful husband and a baby on the way and I'm just hoping that I can raise this baby better than my parents did me.
(I hope this didnt come out as a jumbled mess. I had a lot of conflicting thoughts that wanted to get out at the same time, so it may be kinda confusing. Sorry bout that.)
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