Child Abuse Story From Elizabeth2
by Elizabeth
(Location Undisclosed)
I was one of the happiest children you would have ever met. I played soccer, performed in children's theater and I loved playing with my best friends. That all started to change when i was 9 years old.
My mom had moved to another state for a job that she was offered, so that left me living with my brother and my dad. My brother was five years older then me, and we always had a semi close relationship. We were in plays together and we had a mutual interest in video games. I never really sensed anything could go wrong in a relationship like that, mainly because well I was still young and innocent.
It was mid summer during the year 1999. My dad had gone to the next town over to drop something off for fed ex for his job. My brother was left alone to watch me which had never been an issue before. We were down in the living room watching nickelodeon when he started asking me if I still wanted to be an actress when I grew up. I nodded my head up and down smiling. He told me my dad wanted him to show me what might happen to me when I'm an actress so that I could be prepared. I had never had a reason not to trust my brother. He asked which room I wanted him to show me in, and my parents room was the first thing that I blurted out. When we got into the room, I started to get a little freaked out because he locked the door. He told me to take off my clothes, because he just wanted to show me something. I had no reason not to trust my brother so I did what he asked. He laid me down on the bed and took out his penis. I started to get really scared and very uncomfortable, but he told me that if I was ever going to be an actress that I needed to know what might happen to me. I just laid there looking up at the white ceiling wishing that my dad would just get home. I didn't like the feeling of his penis on my pelvis or on my thigh but I was so much smaller then he was that I was scared to say anything or fight back. After a little while he stopped what he was doing put on his clothes and just walked out of the room as I just laid there trying to understand what had happened. I was only 9 years old, I had no notion that what was happening between me and my brother was wrong but I knew that it scared me silly.
I started to withdraw from everything, I wouldn't play with my toys outside of my room and I started locking my door all the time. I don't know why my dad never noticed the changes that were taking place. My brother soon started dating a girl that he was in a play with so it stopped happening, but I never stopped being scared.
About a month later I was at a friends house and we were playing up in her room. We started talking about our siblings and that's when I accidentally blurted out what my brother did to me. She looked at me and started to cry. She started telling me about what her brother had done to her when she was five years old. From that moment on I knew that what he had done wasn't right but because he was my brother I was scared to say anything to anybody. Even my parents. The emotional stress started to strain on me horribly, I literally withdrew from everything, I didn't play with my friends anymore and I stopped doing good in school. However nobody ever seemed to notice, except for my grandmother; but I couldn't even tell her.
I was 12 years old when I first decided to come out about what happened thanks to a girl I knew. I tried telling my mom but she accused me of making it up to get attention and got really angry at me. So I told the school counselor instead, I just sat in her office and cried. They called my mom in so I could go home for the day, but they should have just left me at the school. My mom had so much resentment in her eyes when we got into the car, I felt like I had screwed up really badly by ever saying anything about it. She took me home and told me to go to my room. She had to go pick up my brother from the high school because they were also sending him for the day. My mom didn't come back for hours. I just laid there in my bed and cried. I felt like I was a mistake, that I had screwed up by ever opening my mouth. By the time my mom and my brother had gotten home, it was already night time. It turns out that they had drove around talking for hours and even gone out for ice cream. My mom came up to talk to me and told me that I needed to take back my statement. That it could ruin my brothers life if I didn't. My parents seemed more concerned about what could happen to my brother rather then what had happened to me. All I wanted was a simple hug, for someone to tell me that it wasn't my fault.
After that one day, life in my house was awful. My dad didn't want anything to do with me and my mom treated me awfully. I couldn't do anything right in their eyes, and to my friends I looked like a liar all because I couldn't let my brother's life get ruined. I went from being this happy child to this shy lonely awkward girl all because my brother let his wants get the best of him.
By the time I entered high school, I had a very strained relationship with my parents and I didn't have any relationship with my brother at all. I felt like I didn't deserve to live because I couldn't even keep that secret. When I was 16 I went to go see the movie Georgia Rule with my mom to try and calm things down. That movie only made things worse. I got into the car and I just started bawling my eyes out. My mom didn't understand why, and all I could do was look at her. I didn't even see a mom. All I saw was a lady who didn't understand her own daughter, who had been so blinded by trying to protect her son from a mistake that he made.
I started cutting myself after this, for some reason it made me feel a little bit better seeing the blood. I just didn't wanna live anymore because I felt like a screw up. I don't know why I did, I guess it had something to do with the fact that I had let a skeleton out of the closest and it made my parents hate me. Nothing I did made my parents happy, if anything I was ruining their life. I had tried taking the easy way out and putting a belt around my neck. But for someone reason I couldn't do it.
By the time summer rolled around my dad started emotionally abusing me to the fullest extent. I was in the car with him and my bf made the mistake of taking to long to come to the car. My dad just started yelling at me blaming his bad life on me, and saying that I was the biggest inconvenience in life. It hurt me to the point where I called my grandma to see if I could live in her condo, she agreed and I was there under her guardianship. However I still had the car that used to my brothers so I drove out to my bf's house and just laid with him and cried all day.
By the time I got back to my grandma's condo it was ten at night and my mom was there waiting for me. She was so upset and pissed at me. She took the keys to my car and told me that I wasn't allowed to go anywhere. I didn't know what I had done wrong, but it didn't help that my brother and his gf soon stopped over to "talk" to me. My brother called me a mistake and told me that I shouldn't have ever said anything. I asked them to leave, to get out of my life because he had already done so much damage. I called my bf to see if he could come and get me so I wouldn't have to be alone because my grandma wasn't there that night. I went outside to wait for him to come get me, and instead my mom showed up. She broke my phone and threw me in her car.
I don't wanna write anymore because this is already making me cry just reliving it. All of this could have been avoided if my brother would have never molested me, if my dad would have noticed how much I was withdrawing everyhing in my life, and if my brother would have just owned up to his actions. To this day I still feel like its my fault, that I'm the screw up in the family, and I deserved what happened to me.
I just wanted a hug to tell me that it would be ok, that I would be ok.
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