Child Abuse Story From Diya

Child Abuse Story From Diya

by Diya
(UK)

Angry at my Mom for never really being there:
Most of these stories I have read have been mostly about physical and sexual abuse. I don't know whether I would call my story abuse. More like abandonment, or at least that's the way I feel anyhow. And at the age of 28, would you believe I still need my mother? I can't really get through to her and it makes me so angry.

My mother, even though she's still with me, I feel, has never really been there for me. See she had 3 of us—me and my two sisters—and I feel like she's been there for both my sisters, but not me.

I don't have any memories of my mom actually being there for me, at least not emotionally. The only early memories I have of my mom are when I would feel the back of her hand every time I was bad, or when she would take care of me when I was sick, but of course it's not like she had a choice (I am epileptic, or should I say was, until I was 9). I don't remember my mom ever telling me she loved me, or giving me a hug, or even asking me what was wrong whenever I was upset.

When I was 17 years old, I got into a fight with my mom. She told me I was a mistake and she wished she'd never had me. Do you know what? I actually believed her, and I still do. Now I have grown up to be this angry person. I'm always angry, angry at my parents, angry at my sisters...just totally angry in general. Sometimes I wonder if life would be better for everyone if I gave my mom what she really wants. For her mistake to disappear.

I know this isn't really abuse, unless you call it emotional abuse, but I really wanted to write all my feelings down. Am I wrong for feeling all this? I totally blame my mom for making me feel like this, and I wonder if I would have been a happier person if my life was different. Is it completely stupid for a woman of 28 years old to still want her mother's love? I wish I didn't feel any of this, but sadly I do.

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Child Abuse Story From Diya

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Apr 20, 2008

Emotional abuse...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Yes, you did suffer from abuse, Diya: emotional abuse, the type of abuse that leaves the deepest scars, the type of abuse that is ALWAYS present when other forms of abuse are present.

You might benefit from reading through my emotional abuse information pages for a better understanding of its effects. You'll relate in particular to rejecting, ignoring and possibly terrorizing under types of emotional abuse.

Emotional child abuse - a definition

Types of emotional abuse

Emotional abuse effects

Emotional abuse signs

Emotional abuse statistics

Emotional abuse victims report that the single WORSE thing a parent can tell them is: "I wish you were never born." As the ultimate rejection, statements like this leave the child profoundly affected. EVERY child needs to feel loved; it is among the most basic of needs. When the basic needs (listed under E/A signs) are not met by a parent or guardian, child neglect is present. YOU, Diya, were not only emotionally abused in the worst possible way, you were neglected.

You asked: "Is it completely stupid for a woman of 28 years old to still want her mother's love?" The answer is a resounding NO, it is NOT stupid at all. When a child grows up feeling unloved by one or both of his or her parents, the adult child still feels the need because it was never met. This is where counselling can help.

Counselling can help you come to terms with what happened to you as a child. It can help you understand why you feel as you do today, and what you can do for yourself that will fulfill those needs. I speak from personal experience here. Therapy taught me that love would never come from my mother because she was incapable of giving it. Love could only come from me.

Diya, you cannot make your mother love you. You can only learn to love yourself and treat yourself the way you should have been treated as a child: with love, with dignity and with respect.

You are not flawed. You are not in any way to blame for the way your mother ignored and rejected you. You were PERFECT as you were. Nothing you did caused your mother to mistreat you. Nothing you could have done would have changed the way she mistreated you. It wasn't your fault. It will never BE your fault. As a child you had no power; as an adult you have all the power. You can make your own choices, choices that will help you move forward. The first step would be counselling.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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Apr 20, 2008
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Submitted by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Title

Comment
Yes, you did suffer from abuse, Diya: emotional abuse, the type of abuse that leaves the deepest scars, the type of abuse that is ALWAYS present when other forms of abuse are present. You might benefit from reading through my emotional abuse information pages for a better understanding of its effects. You'll relate in particular to rejecting, ignoring and possibly terrorizing under types of emotional abuse. <li><a href="http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/emotional-child-abuse.html">Emotional child abuse - a definition</a> <li><a href="http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/types-of-emotional-abuse.html">Types of emotional abuse</a> <li><a href="http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/emotional-abuse-effects.html">Emotional abuse effects</a> <li><a href="http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/emotional-abuse-signs.html">Emotional abuse signs</a> <li><a href="http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/emotional-abuse-statistics.html">Emotional abuse statistics</a></li> Emotional abuse victims report that the single WORSE thing a parent can tell them is: "I wish you were never born." As the ultimate rejection, statements like this leave the child profoundly affected. EVERY child needs to feel loved; it is among the most basic of needs. When the basic needs (listed under E/A signs) are not met by a parent or guardian, child neglect is present. YOU, Diya, were not only emotionally abused in the worst possible way, you were neglected. You asked: "Is it completely stupid for a woman of 28 years old to still want her mother's love?" The answer is a resounding NO, it is NOT stupid at all. When a child grows up feeling unloved by one or both of his or her parents, the adult child still feels the need because it was never met. This is where counselling can help. Counselling can help you come to terms with what happened to you as a child. It can help you understand why you feel as you do today, and what you can do for <i>yourself</i> that will fulfill those needs. I speak from personal experience here. Therapy taught me that love would never come from my mother because she was incapable of giving it. Love could only come from me. Diya, you cannot make your mother love you. You can only learn to love yourself and treat yourself the way you should have been treated as a child: with love, with dignity and with respect. You are not flawed. You are not in any way to blame for the way your mother ignored and rejected you. You were PERFECT as you were. Nothing you did caused your mother to mistreat you. Nothing you could have done would have changed the way she mistreated you. It wasn't your fault. It will never BE your fault. As a child you had no power; as an adult you have all the power. You can make your own choices, choices that will help you move forward. The first step would be counselling. Darlene Barriere Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator Author: <a href="http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/my-story-of-abuse.html"><i>On My Own Terms, A Memoir</i></a>

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Apr 20, 2008

That is so sad it breaks my heart
by: Francine

I love you, Diya

Apr 26, 2008

I'm sorry
by: Anonymous

I'm sorry your mom treated you the way she did. I hope that someday, what will matter the most is that you're glad that you were born. I know it sounds corny, and it didn't really sink in with me how much it bothered me when my dad told me that one day. Until I read your story. There's so much hate in this world...I hope that some day you'll be able to give yourself the love that you never got from your mom. Counteract the hate by loving yourself. I'm not sure how to say that so it makes sense. I'm sorry.

Jun 04, 2008

i'm sorry
by: caylin

diya,
you HAVE been emotionally abused and you should know that so you can accept that it wasn't your fault. i struggle with the same thing, in that i have never really been physically or sexually abused, but my childhood had a huge effect on how i am now. and i'm trying to accept that it was emotional abuse and i need time to heal. it wasn't your fault at all, you were just unlucky enough to be born into a family that don't deserve you. i hope you come to realise that it was never your fault, and i hope you can learn to not be so angry.
xxxx

Jul 30, 2008

Who's the Adult & Who's the Child?
by: Anonymous

***Comments moved to another page on this site***

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Jul 30, 2008

To Anonymous:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Anonymous, since this comments thread is reserved as a place of support and encouragement to Diya, I have moved your story to its own page on this site. You can find it at the following URL: Child Abuse Story From Anonymous17.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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Child Abuse Story From Diya

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