Child Abuse Story From Denise
by Denise
My mother was always angry with me and my 4 siblings for as long as I can remember. We just never knew when the rage would come. We were beat with the belt, or hairbrush, or whatever was handy. I would cower on the floor and try to protect myself. I still remember how bad it hurt my arms as I tried to cover myself. One time a teacher noticed marks on my arm where the bristles had broken the skin. My mother said it was a rash, and I got in trouble when I got home. I remember acting up with my siblings at the table while my mother made grilled cheese. She finally had enough and reached over and sizzled my arm with the hot spatula. I screamed and cried. She had a real problem with anything getting dirty. If I spilled something on my shirt, she would take it from me and make me sit on the porch topless until she had washed and dried it. It was so humiliating. When I would have bathroom accidents (as many kids do, especially in stressful situations) she would make me wear a diaper and tell the family. I wanted to die. She scrubbed me in a hot tub of water, and if I cried she held my head under the water. I really think she hated me. I was the oldest girl so I really got the brunt of her anger. Puberty was a nightmare. I developed early, and started my cycle when I was 10. She made me feel so disgusting and dirty. She actually tried, unsuccessfully, to force a tampon into me while I cried and begged her not to. I have a daughter who is approaching this age, and I can't imagine how someone could do this to a young girl. I want my daughter to be proud and excited to be becoming a woman. She also used religion against us. We thought we were so bad that Satan would actually come and take us away while we slept. This all happened until about high school,when I could actually remove myself from the situation or defend myself. Yes, I actually wrestled her to the floor a few times to get away. And I actually felt terrible and guilty for hurting her. Now I am 38 with 3 kids and a wonderful husband of 20 years. I still struggle emotionally. I have a deep anger and sadness that I struggle to keep in check. I have body image issues. And I hate to admit I am so ashamed of my body that the only times I have been to the ob-gyn is when I was pregnant. I am trying with my husband's help to overcome these issues. I don't want to turn 40 and still feel like a broken person inside. Sorry this is so long, but some of this stuff I have never told a living soul. Thank you.  Note from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.I hope you'll follow me on:  Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.
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