Child Abuse Story From David C Part 3
by David W.C. (see Part 1 and Part 2 of David C's story)
(Springdale, Arkansas, USA)
Not all was bad because I had a part time saviour that would rescue me from time to time and take me away from all this. Nanny (Mom's Mom) was the only bright spot in my growing years. She would do her best to give me everything that was missing in my life. She knew what was going on but just tried to make things better for me than to fight it. She tried so hard to be as close to a parent as she could be. She gave everything for me. Taught me about life and tried to make up, as much as she could, for her daughter's shortcomings. She died in 1988. I was devastated.
Through all of the abuse and all of the neglect, I still idolized my Mom. I put her on a pedestal. She was everything to me. I had a mother fixation that would last for most of my life. I tried so hard for her to accept me and all I wanted was for her to love me. I never received anything in return from her, but it didn't matter because I kept trying to please her. I don't know if it was because I was so afraid of Frank that I tried to cling to Mom, but she was my world to me. My heart was very heavy for her.
At the time she was working for a doctor in Dallas and she would usually drive in the driveway around dusk every night. I would play outside after school and when it was about time for Mom to come home, I would stand by the garage door waiting for her. I had a line of sight of all the cars going by on the road so I would be able to see Mom when she would get close. My insides would churn with fear every day until I could see Mom coming up the road. I would always fear the worst. I was so scared she would be in a wreck or something that I just couldn't relax until I saw her driving up that road. When I would see her, the warmest feeling would come over me and I would be, for a moment, the happiest kid in the world. I would lift open the garage door just as she would pull in the driveway, and into the garage she would go, and then she would get out of the car and go straight to her bedroom. She must have been really miserable at the time. The only conversation would be me telling Mom I had her dinner ready for her in the oven and that I would put it on the table for her and I would try to tell her what I had cooked for her.
I wanted her attention so bad that I would not only learn to cook for her but I learned how to do laundry, clean the house and even sew clothes that needed repair. I did all the feminine things for her while the other kids would be playing outside and having fun. I still worshipped her and in my eyes, at the time, she could do no wrong. I did this for over six years without fail. The only time I was not there for her was the weekends when I would be at the farm with Frank. I don't think Mom really noticed if I was there or not. Mom will never know how much just one time saying "I love you" or "Thanks son" would have meant to me as a child. It would have meant more to me at the time than all the Christmas's at the old house.
Mom would soon be coming home later and later as her marriage to Frank was crumbling. She was seeing another man and she would eventually leave Frank. But she didn't move in with Don; she moved into an apartment in Desoto. I moved with her and was able to stay in the same school. Not that it really mattered to me, but I just didn't want to change schools again.
The split up caused Frank to attempt suicide twice. He failed both times. For some strange reason that I don't understand to this day, Mom moved back in with Frank. He tried to change by spending money on Mom and buying her new things, but Frank would eventually go back to being Frank. Mom left again for good. She was moving to Dallas to be close to Don. I was still in school and there was no way I was going to try and go to another school and try to meet new friends again. I begged Mom not to move out of the school district so I could finish school here. But the only way I could stay was to have her sign over custody to my half-sister Gail. So I was able to stay in the same school, but I had no choice but to live with Frank. But since I was the only link now between Frank and Mom, and Frank was trying everything he could to get Mom back, Frank was kissing my ass instead of beating it this time. We would sit at the table for hours, talking. Mostly, Frank telling me how horrible my mom was. I hated hearing this because of my devotion to Mom, but I just sat there and listened. After all, for once in my life I felt safe around Frank instead of fear.
As time went on and Frank realized Mom wasn't coming back, Frank kicked me out. This would be the last time I would ever live under Frank's roof again. JOY!
Mom continued to live in Dallas and I was not allowed to be at her house unless I called first for fear of Don or Don's kids being there. I guess I would have been an embarrassment to Mom, so I rarely got a chance to see her. She would eventually marry Don, and my place in her life was slowly closing up.
Ironically, Gina and Mom now live on the farm that Frank bought and the farm that I gave up my childhood for. You are reaping the benefits of child abuse and five years of child labor living on that farm. Gina, you are not responsible for what your father did to me, but I would think at least once in your life I deserve a "Sorry for what my father did to you and thanks for all the hard work you did for this farm." But I guess I would have a better chance of getting a phone call from Mom than ever hearing those words.
Darlene's comments to this "Child Abuse Story From David C Part 3" can be found at Comments below this submission. Depending on system activity, there are sometimes delays in comments going live on my site; but rest assured, they do eventually appear. So if you don't yet see them, I hope you will return later to read what I, and possibly others, have written. I thank you for your patience and understanding.
Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited, and could result in being banned from making further comments on this site.
