Child Abuse Story From Daphne
by Daphne
(Location Undisclosed)
I was sexually abused by my father, beaten and was verbally abused:
Daphne is really my middle name because I want to remain unknown. I was sexually abused by my father from age 2 until I was 7. He stopped because he became afraid of getting caught. To this day, he denies it and says my mother made it all up.
He never raped me, so I've always told myself that it wasn't that bad. He forced me to perform oral sex on him though. I say forced, because I was only 7 and how could a 7 year old do something like that at will?
He used to put his penis between my legs and move his body around. I used to enjoy it because I felt special and close to my daddy. It messed me up big time. When I was 14, I in turn let my 11 year old brother touch my breasts. It never went further than that, but I feel horrible that it happened and he has since forgiven me.
My father used to beat me when he lost his temper. I remember being kicked on the carpet against the couch. I remember being lifted by my neck suspended in air while I peed myself. I remember him grabbing my arms so hard that I had bruises all over them. I remember him hitting my head so hard that my ears would ring. I remember being called a "c*nt" a "sl*t", etc. I used to love it when he was on the day shift because he wouldn't come home until 9:00 p.m. The house would be so quiet on those nights.
I used to undress for the boys in my neighbourhood and let them touch me. My mother used to beat me for it and say I was a bad girl. She never once asked me when I was 6 years old why I was taking my clothes off for the boys.
I tried to do well in school and I was popular in high school. I remained a good girl; I was a virgin and I didn't drink or do drugs. Then my parents divorced when I was 17 and that's when I really went downhill. I quit school; hung out with a bad crowd; experimented with drugs and alcohol, but thankfully I never became addicted.
My mother used to resent me as a child. She was jealous of my "special" relationship with my father. She knew about it and pretended not to. I told her many times and she would ask my father. He would deny it and she would stop believing me. She now plays the victim every time the subject comes up and it's always about her being victimized by my father; not how she failed me as a mother.
I told a social worker at age 11 and they confronted my parents and were ready to put me and my brothers and mother on welfare. That scared my mother, so she began asking me over and over if it was really true and what would become of us if we left my father. I finally lied. I told her that I made it all up. I told her that it wasn't true and that I was sorry. She was angry with me after that and used to bring it up, so finally in anger at 17, after she accused me of lying, I yelled at her and told her it really happened. Again it was all about her; she was the victim; she was lied to; she called a hotline; she became suicidal; her blood pressure was high; poor little her. Then she would lay guilt trips on me that why wouldn't I forgive her. She couldn't take the verbal abuse from me anymore. Whatever.
I moved to Vancouver when I was 20 and broke all contact from them. I didn't talk to my father for 3 years. I didn't talk to my mother for 1 year. I later moved back to my city (3,000 km away) and decided I wanted to go to university. I started stripping to raise money for my school. I table danced for 6 months; made great money and then decided to stop and get a waitressing job; which I did to finish school.
I tackled by abusive past; I tried counselling, self-help books, etc.; but the best therapy for me was finishing university. The feeling I had walking to get my degree was amazing. I wasn't stupid after all!
I'm now still in contact with both parents, but it's very distant and I only let them be with my kids when I am supervising.
I'm now happily married with two beautiful children - a girl and a boy. I have a great paying job with the government and I'm happy. My husband is a bit hot tempered and can be a bit verbally abusive, but I have done really well considering what I have been through. He is a great father to my children; loving and compassionate. We will grow old together; I know we will even though our marriage is not perfect. My happiness out of a 10 is an 8 on most days and my marriage is happy; not perfect, but happy.
You can go through life either being a survivor or a victim. I have chosen to be a survivor. I hope that my story can be an inspiration to other "precious" girls and women like me. Don't get me wrong...it took me a LONG time to get to where I am today. I am now almost 40 and still working out some of my issues.
When I had my babies, I felt so alone. It was then that I realized again how little family I have. My family doesn't really care about me. No one offered to help me with my babies when they were newborns even when my son had colic. My mom offered, but then she'd call and cancel saying she hurt her back or had a cold...whatever.
I am now coming to terms with really letting my parents go...to accept in my mind that things are the way they are and that I need to forgive myself for all the things that I have done and realize that I did those things to get to who I am today. I am very proud of myself regardless of my imperfections.
Note from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.I hope you'll follow me on:
Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.
