Child Abuse Story from Dan Part 1

Child Abuse Story from Dan Part 1

by Dan
(Wisconsin, USA)

I am 57-year-old male. I was physically abused through spankings. It was how I was spanked and the penance afterward that made it abusive.

I was always spanked naked. My parents believed a spanking should not be done with clothes on because you don't feel the punishment. Afterward, I was made to stand naked, most times in a corner of a room facing out so I could face those who I hurt or offended. It was done to embarrass me for not being good.

When I was naughty, my parents gave me the spanking I deserved on the spot. There was no saying, "Just wait till you get home" or "Wait till your dad gets home." There were times I got a spanking at my grandparents', my uncle's, and my aunt's home, even at the homes of my parents' friends.

Once, when I was 12, I got a spanking at the home of some friends my parents. Us kids were playing ball. We got into a fight over who was up to bat, and I pushed their son down to the ground. My dad made me remove my clothes right outside in their yard, and spanked my bare butt with his belt, and then made stand alongside the house, naked.

Another humiliating time happened when I 15 years old. We were camping on a private lake with my parents' friends Al, Mary, their twin girls, Jean and Joan (age 13), and their son, Steve (age 10). The four of us were out in about 4 feet of water, playing catch. Steve was on an inner tube. Just as a joke, I yelled shark, shark. I told Steve they were going to eat him. He started screaming and turning a fit. Mary had a hard time calming him down. My dad was so mad at me, he made me take my swim suit off right in front of everyone, and whipped my bare butt with his belt. Then he had me stand there naked in the middle of our camp area, in front of Jean and Joan, for 1 hour. The girls just stared at me. I don't think they ever saw a naked 15-year-old boy.

See Part 2 and Part 3 of Dan's child abuse stories on this site.

Darlene's comments to this "Child Abuse Story From Dan Part 1" are at the link below.

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Child Abuse Story from Dan Part 1

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Jan 31, 2008

Inhuman and humiliating...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Dan, the punishment your parents doled out was nothing short of spiteful and cruel. It wasn't done to teach right from wrong; it was done to humiliate and embarrass you, put you down and disgrace you. Such heartless punishment taught you submission and hatred, anger and hostility. They scarred you for life with their debasing methods of so-called discipline. They exposed you, physically and emotionally. They set you up for future abuse at the hands of others.

Dan, I'm outraged by the undignified way your parents treated you. Being made to stand naked in front of teenage girls when you were 15 years old AFTER being humiliated in front of them by being strapped naked with a belt by your father would have likely resulted in another form of pure humiliation. It is not unusual for young males to have an erection when they are scared, anxious or nervous. You didn't say this happened to you, but I suspect it did. And if it did, I can only imagine the horror you must have felt. My heart is breaking for the young man who was so shamefully mistreated.

You didn't deserve to be treated so callously. You didn't deserve to have to deal with such shame. And you didn't deserve to be spanked. I am morally and ethically opposed to spanking, in any form, because hitting children is wrong. Spanking has serious side effects, side effects that are life-long, side effects that are so unnecessary when teaching children values. You could be the poster child for those life-long side effects. So please, don't ever say you deserved to be spanked. That's like saying you deserved to be abused.

What you DESERVED was fair and respectful discipline done in private. What you DESERVED was fair and respectful discipline that taught you the difference between right and wrong. What you DESERVED was fair and respectful discipline that taught you there were logical consequences for inappropriate behaviour. Your parents failed on all counts, Dan. They failed miserably. They taught you that you weren't "good enough" to warrant being treated with dignity. I'm here to loudly claim that you WERE and ARE deserving of dignity and that you WERE and ARE "good enough."

I sincerely hope you'll treat yourself with dignity and respect by seeking out the help of a counsellor, Dan, someone who can help you deal with the emotional residual of what happened to you.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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Jan 31, 2008
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Submitted by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

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Dan, the punishment your parents doled out was nothing short of spiteful and cruel. It wasn't done to teach right from wrong; it was done to humiliate and embarrass you, put you down and disgrace you. Such heartless punishment taught you submission and hatred, anger and hostility. They scarred you for life with their debasing methods of so-called discipline. They exposed you, physically and emotionally. They set you up for future abuse at the hands of others. Dan, I'm outraged by the undignified way your parents treated you. Being made to stand naked in front of teenage girls when you were 15 years old AFTER being humiliated in front of them by being strapped naked with a belt by your father would have likely resulted in another form of pure humiliation. It is not unusual for young males to have an erection when they are scared, anxious or nervous. You didn't say this happened to you, but I suspect it did. And if it did, I can only imagine the horror you must have felt. My heart is breaking for the young man who was so shamefully mistreated. You didn't deserve to be treated so callously. You didn't deserve to have to deal with such shame. And you didn't deserve to be spanked. I am morally and ethically opposed to spanking, in any form, because hitting children is wrong. Spanking has serious side effects, side effects that are life-long, side effects that are so unnecessary when teaching children values. You could be the poster child for those life-long side effects. So please, don't ever say you deserved to be spanked. That's like saying you deserved to be abused. What you DESERVED was fair and respectful discipline done in private. What you DESERVED was fair and respectful discipline that taught you the difference between right and wrong. What you DESERVED was fair and respectful discipline that taught you there were <i>logical</i> consequences for inappropriate behaviour. Your parents failed on all counts, Dan. They failed miserably. They taught you that you weren't "good enough" to warrant being treated with dignity. I'm here to loudly claim that you WERE and ARE deserving of dignity and that you WERE and ARE "good enough." I sincerely hope you'll treat yourself with dignity and respect by seeking out the help of a counsellor, Dan, someone who can help you deal with the emotional residual of what happened to you. Darlene Barriere Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator Author: <a href="http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/my-story-of-abuse.html"><i>On My Own Terms, A Memoir</i></a>

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Feb 04, 2008

How humiliating!!!
by: Anonymous

What a terrible thing to do to a young boy,I'm sorry you had to live through such abuse.You're parents were heartless and cruel.I have a 9 year old son and I could not imagine him suffering such indignities.My hope is that you have inner peace and comfort now.

Mar 31, 2008

Embarassing
by: Francine

Dan, I couldn't agree with you more, your parents sure embarrassed you for "not being nice". I don't see it as punishment, I see it as abuse and humiliation! I love you, Dan. Hang in there, sweetheart.

Aug 12, 2008

Ok, but......
by: Richard

***Comment removed as inappropriate by Darlene Barriere - Webmaster***

Note to Richard: Your position on this issue is so out of sync with other professionals and goes against reams and reams of documented research (much of which is current) that I find myself questioning the claim of your profession. You are not welcome to offer such ridiculous comments as you left here, Richard. If you do, they will be deleted, as they were today. I am still shaking my head at your blatant disregard for the scarring emotional repercussions of what you actually suggested doing to a child who misbehaved.

While I appreciate that you acknowledged that Dan suffered abuse, your additional comments were lacking support, which is the purpose of these individual threads.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Oct 07, 2008

Darlene,
by: Richard

***Comment removed by Darlene Barriere - Webmaster***

Note from Darlene: I thank you for the clarification, Richard. Perhaps my comments dated Oct 6, 2008 at Child Abuse Story From Scott Part 2 on this site titled I do not agree... will give some insight into my position. When you get to the thread, you'll have to scroll down to the bottom of the page to read my comments.

Again, I've removed your comment from here as this thread is intended for validating, encouraging and supportive comments to Dan. It is not the place to either debate or instill your beliefs about the issue of spanking. Continuing to address this issue on this thread is being disrespectful to Dan. I do thank you for your understanding, Richard.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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Child Abuse Story from Dan Part 1

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Child Abuse Story from Dan Part 1