Child Abuse Story From Crissy
by Crissy
Don't really know how to begin but I feel I have to get this out. From the age of 5 or 6 until the age of 25 I was sexually abused by my grandfather and three of my uncles. I feel very ashamed because the abuse did continue into my adult life. I have always felt a tremendous amount of guilt for this, like it WAS my fault. In my family my grandfather was the KING, nobody spoke against him and everyone in the family bowed down to him. When the abuse first started it was just my grandfather and then eventually he would invite my uncles to watch. My uncles were only a few years older than myself cause my mom is from a family of 16. My grandfather would tell my uncles "this is what you have access to when you are the KING." Eventually I was being passed around amongst all 4. As a child I felt as if this was normal but as I became a teenager I felt very different from all of my friends. When I was 15 I finally came out with what was happening to me. I told my very best friend and asked her not to tell anyone cause I would be in a crap load of trouble from my family for letting out this secret. My best friend was truly a best friend cause she did tell her parents about what I had confided in her. Even though I was very angry that she had betrayed my trust, I know now that she was acting in what was in my best interest at the time. Her parents contacted child protection services and i was put into foster care. I was threatened by my family, my mom in particular to tell athorities that I was lying and withdraw all charges and move back home. I was terrified of the outcome if I didn't do what she told me to. This is were the extreme feelings of guilt come in cause I could have stopped it then but I didn't, I chose to do what my mom told me to do and continue living the abuse. From that moment on and to this day I believe truly in my heart that any abuse after that point IS truly my fault. The abuse finally stopped when I moved out of town and dropped all ties with any member of my family even my mom. I still havn't got a clue on how to deal with this. I want to feel numb all the time and unfortunatly I keep myself in that state with the help of alcohol. I wish I could cope sober but it just hurts too much.  Note from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.I hope you'll follow me on:  Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.
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