Child Abuse Story From Connie

by Connie
(Missouri, USA)

November 15, 2007: In order to clear up some misconceptions regarding Connie's story, I've written an important message below. Please scroll down to "Note from Darlene" for that important message.

What follows is my very crazy story. If I didn't live it, I might not believe it!

I was born in 1983. Before I turned one, I was thrown across a room by my father, resulting in a severe head injury that required a shunt to be put in my head to drain blood from around my brain. I also was put on morphine for the pain for a little over a year and had to be weaned off. I was sent to live with a foster family until I was three.

I don't know how old I was when my father first started to sexually abuse me. I was too young to know. But the first time I remember my mom "finding out," she took me to a counsellor. I opened up and told the counsellor what happened. Not long after that, my mother made me go back to her and tell her I was a liar and that nothing had ever happened. For years I was molested by my father, and my mother knew! She would tell me to wear shorts and that it was my fault that he did it and that I was a little slut. She treated me like "the other woman." I could see the hate in her eyes. It made me so sad that my own mother hated me...there were many times she would "find out."

One time we had people living with us, and they saw my father in my room...I don't remember how she got out of that one. But the sexual abuse finally ended when my mother found a new guy. She used me as an excuse to get rid of him. She acted as if she never had a clue, and had just found out. It worked. She got rid of him and got to play the role of a victim.

Five years later when I was 15 (this is where the story starts to get confusing for me), I started dating this guy for 2 weeks. His mom sat us down and said that they were moving. My mom told him to come stay with us. I was totally shocked!

He lived with us for about 8 months. One day he got drunk and raped me. He then "pretended" to pass out on top of me. I ended up pregnant. I was only 16. I was scared to death, so I did the unthinkable, and gave myself a miscarriage. He was apologetic and said it would never happen again. But about 2 months before I turned 17, he raped me again. I couldn't bear to go through another miscarriage...he was back at his dad's after that. I didn't hear from him till I was 5 months along, when I went to his job and found out that he was with another girl.

When I found out I was pregnant again, I called one of my mothers ex boyfriends that I was close to. Before he hung up with me he said, "If you ever go to the hospital, make sure you tell them you're allergic to morphine." I was so upset at the time, I didn't ask him why. I just said ok.

When I went in to have my daughter, I remembered and told the nurse I couldn't have morphine. My mother was standing right there and didn't say a word. I had almost forgotten all about it. My boyfriend at the time (not the baby's daddy) saw that what was going in my I.V. was morphine. I called the nurse in and told her I couldn't have that. They took me off of it after three days of having it. I didn't sleep for a week after that. I went through what I believe was withdrawal. I didn't know what was going on, so I freaked out and ended up in a mental hospital for about a week. (I still don't know how morphine works. If anyone could tell me what the effects are of this drug in my case that would be greatly appreciated.)

My mother's ex boyfriend who had told me to make sure I didn't receive morphine came and saw me soon after this incident. I told him I was given morphine at the hospital when I had my daughter. I realized at that moment that I had told the staff that I was allergic to morphine and that they had given me a bracelet. I also remembered that I didn't have that bracelet when I left the hospital, which brought on another memory (funny how the brain works). I wear glasses and had had a C-section. My mother had taken my glasses for me. When I asked for them back, she started looking through her pockets of her flannel and pulled out something red and something else that looked like scissors. She got all panicky and left the room. My mom smokes pot, so at the time I just figured she brought her pipe and was freaked out she had just pulled it out in the hospital. I now believe with a 100% certainty that she pulled out my bracelet and the scissors she used to cut it off. There is no way that damn thing just fell off my wrist! But my question is why. Why did she take that bracelet off me? I have thought of some reasons, but they are as crazy as this whole story!

I'm just so tired of thinking about all of this. I know it's an unbelievable story, but I lived it. I wish I had a reason for all of it. I believe my ex boyfriend got me pregnant for a reason. I believe my mother gave him money to do it—my money, actually, about $4,000.

There is just no reasonable explanation for it. Or is there? I have thought of everything from my mother trying to gain custody of my daughter so her and her new husband could have a child, to her trying to make me look incompetent to take my money. And it's not even a lot! Or maybe she just wanted to see me suffer because she hates me that much.

The reason I wrote this is that I need someone's opinion. And the crazy thing is, this isn't even my whole story, this is just what's bothering me the most. I know I need counseling just to straighten it all out and move past it, but I don't even know where to start with all that. And I have absolutely no money for that.

Note from Darlene, November 15, 2007: There is a great deal of confusion regarding Connie's story that I would like to clear up here:

• Connie was NOT embroiled in a custody battle for her daughter with her mother.
  
• Connie's daughter is NOT in any danger.
  
• Connie does NOT live with her mother. She lives with her husband and her daughter.

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