Child Abuse Story From Confused2

Child Abuse Story From Confused2

by "...Confused..."
(Tennessee, USA)

I think I have been through sexual abuse. I am just really confused and unsure about the whole thing, though...

I have an uncle, my dad's brother, who I have never liked. I can remember always being extremely uncomfortable around him when I was younger. He always LOVED doing things with all the girls in the family (his nieces). There were 4 of us in all, and his daughter (my cousin) is 12 years older than me. He also has several nieces and great nieces on his wife's side of the family that he also likes to be around. He even bought a pool one summer so we would always come over to his house and have pool parties. He always invited me, but never my brother.

One of my cousins, I'll call her BB, also agrees with me about our uncle. She told me she remembers he used to give her 'backrubs' and slide his hands under her shirt and around to the front and touch her in the front.

I am almost positive he did stuff to me too, but I have blocked it out for so many years, it's hard to know what of what I remember is real and what is false...I remember 'backrubs' too. And a time when he put his fingers in between my legs and touched my private area. And a time when he 'hugged' me and pressed my body up against him and I could feel his penis sticking out hard inside his pants. This makes me sick to think about, which is why I try to avoid thinking about it altogether.

But that's where the confusion comes in, because I push these memories away, and then when I do try to remember, it's all foggy and the details are very unclear. So maybe I am crazy and maybe I am making it up, just like my mom says. I told a counselor once, and she reported it to Child Services and they said the police questioned him, but he denied it and his daughter denied it too, so his name was cleared.

I think he has done stuff to his daughter also, though. One of my aunt's remembers whenever he'd 'wrestle' with his daughter when she was young, he would get hard and she could tell just by watching. Also, whenever we were at his house in the pool.

One time when BB and I were 10 or 11 and we were whispering about armpit hair, how wed get it when we got older, he heard us and started talking about getting hair in other places too, which I don't think was very appropriate for him to do. And BB said when she'd be at his pool by herself when we were somewhat older, he'd always try to guess her cup size and stuff.

Also, the way he changed baby girls' diapers, he used to 'show' me and BB how to do it when we were little. He would rub back and forth between our baby cousin's legs, across their private areas and say, "You have to get really personal with the baby, they like it a lot" and stuff like that. Yuck.

Thinking about all this makes me ashamed and feel really dirty, and also makes me feel dumb for possibly making something out of nothing. I mean, what if he never did do anything to me and my memories are false memories? I don't know...

Also I have a question: How old should a child be when the parents should give them privacy in the bathroom and not see them naked anymore? My brother is 9. Is it inappropriate for my mother to 'help' him in the bath and 'dry him off?' I remember when my brother was a baby and Mom would show me in his diaper (I was about 9) and she would touch him and say 'this is his scrotum' and she would touch it a lot.

And when I was little, she liked to see me naked. Sometimes she would come in my room in the middle of the night when she thought I was sleeping and she'd pull the covers back and I think she'd take my clothes off then just stand there and look at me. Her eyes would always go straight to my private parts if she saw me naked, even at a young age. Is this normal? Is this ok? Since she never actually TOUCHED me, I don't think that is really sexual abuse, but I'm not sure. And also, since she is my mom, what kind of sexual gratification could she possibly be getting by doing that? It seems like it would make more since if it was my dad, but it wasn't.

I am so sorry this is so long. It got longer than I meant for it to. I am just really confused about what is and what isn't sexual abuse, and what is and isn't false memories. Part of me thinks that I should just leave this alone and not dig up the past, but then again, it still bothers me to the point that sometimes I have 'flashbacks,' where it will seem like I am stuck in a helpless place a long time ago, and it feels so real and is very scary. But that would be impossible if nothing ever happened, right? I'm so confused. I just wish I could remember every detail CLEARLY, and be able to KNOW what the truth is!!! :

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Child Abuse Story From Confused2

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Mar 27, 2008

Part 1: Fragmented, repressed and so-called "false" memories...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

A counsellor is in a far better position than I am, or my visitors are, to help you determine whether or not what you remember really happened.

The whole issue of "false memories" is complex and way beyond the scope of this website. What I will say is that typically, when there is emotion attached to a memory, there is truth in the perception of it. When I use the term "perception," I mean it in the sense that all memories are perceived, because everyone remembers the same situation differently. Put three people in a room to recount what they've seen and you'll most likely get three different accounts of what happened. We remember things on a purely individual level for a variety of reasons, reasons that are far too vast to go into here.

The fact that more than one of you seem to remember similar abusive situations makes it more likely. The human brain is an amazing organ. Our brains have the ability to repress portions or entire segments of our lives when they are too painful to tolerate, releasing the memory stream in bits and pieces as the person becomes more able to endure. This might explain why you are feeling so confused.

I strongly recommend you seek out some form of counselling in order to help you with these fragmented memories and feelings of confusion.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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Mar 27, 2008
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Submitted by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

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A counsellor is in a far better position than I am, or my visitors are, to help you determine whether or not what you remember really happened. The whole issue of "false memories" is complex and way beyond the scope of this website. What I will say is that typically, when there is emotion attached to a memory, there is truth in the perception of it. When I use the term "perception," I mean it in the sense that all memories are perceived, because everyone remembers the same situation differently. Put three people in a room to recount what they've seen and you'll most likely get three different accounts of what happened. We remember things on a purely individual level for a variety of reasons, reasons that are far too vast to go into here. The fact that more than one of you seem to remember similar abusive situations makes it more likely. The human brain is an amazing organ. Our brains have the ability to repress portions or entire segments of our lives when they are too painful to tolerate, releasing the memory stream in bits and pieces as the person becomes more able to endure. This might explain why you are feeling so confused. I strongly recommend you seek out some form of counselling in order to help you with these fragmented memories and feelings of confusion. Darlene Barriere Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator Author: <a href="http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/my-story-of-abuse.html">On My Own Terms, A Memoir</a>

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Mar 27, 2008

Part 2: Female and male sex offenders...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Please read Part 1 of my comments below this posting.

Yes, mothers CAN be sex offenders, just like fathers can be sex offenders. Females, just like males, can get sexual gratification by ogling the naked bodies of children of the same or opposite gender. If you haven't already, I suggest you read through the following pages on this site:

As for your mother still bathing your 9-year-old brother, on the surface it does appear to be inappropriate, given his age. And what you described about your mother's excessive touching of your baby brother's scrotum, this could be a red flag for sex offending; but there is no way for me to be certain that what your mother did, and is still doing, is proof positive that she is a sex offender.

You didn't say how old you are. If you are still a minor, I also suggest you contact Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone about your confusion. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help you through the process of reporting if you decide to disclose any further abuse.

As for your uncle, what you have disclosed in your story sounds like bad news. I would report any further suspicions; even though "his name was cleared" on a previous report, additional complaints could eventually lead to more of an investigation. If you suspect that your mother is also molesting, report her as well.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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Mar 27, 2008
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Submitted by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

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Please read Part 1 of my comments below this posting. Yes, mothers CAN be sex offenders, just like fathers can be sex offenders. Females, just like males, can get sexual gratification by ogling the naked bodies of children of the same or opposite gender. If you haven't already, I suggest you read through the following pages on this site:<ul><li><a href="http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/definition-of-sexual-abuse.html">Definition of Sexual Abuse</a> <li><a href="http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/sex-offenders.html">Sex Offenders</a> <li><a href="http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/female-sex-offenders.html">Female Sex Offenders</a> <li><a href="http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/male-sex-offenders.html">Male Sex Offenders</a> <li><a href="http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/sexual-abuse-victims.html">Sexual Abuse Victims</a></li></ul>As for your mother still bathing your 9-year-old brother, on the surface it does appear to be inappropriate, given his age. And what you described about your mother's excessive touching of your baby brother's scrotum, this could be a red flag for sex offending; but there is no way for me to be certain that what your mother did, and is still doing, is proof positive that she is a sex offender. You didn't say how old you are. If you are still a minor, I also suggest you contact <a href="http://www.childhelp.org/get_help" target="_blank" ref="no follow">Child Help</a> at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone about your confusion. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help you through the process of reporting if you decide to disclose any further abuse. As for your uncle, what you have disclosed in your story sounds like bad news. I would report any further suspicions; even though "his name was cleared" on a previous report, additional complaints could eventually lead to more of an investigation. If you suspect that your mother is also molesting, report her as well. Darlene Barriere Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator Author: <a href="http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/my-story-of-abuse.html">On My Own Terms, A Memoir</a>

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Mar 28, 2008

Repressed memories and flashbacks
by: Michelle

Dear Confused,
I would like to first say that I am sorry for what you experienced as a child and for what you are going through now because of it.
I was sexually abused by my father and later raped by my friends father and had repressed both memories.
They started coming back to me as what you are describing, in bits and pieces. It was very confusing and I felt like I was going crazy and questioning if it was real until the pieces started forming a whole picture. Once the whole picture was there, I knew it was real. I remember knowing it happened at one point. Flashbacks are just that, bits and pieces of the puzzle. Counseling and journaling helped immensely in regaining all the pieces. They will come back if you work on it, though it does take time. Once they return completely, it helps to answer all the questions you have now and allows you to process what has happened. Processing is something that doesn't happen to repressed memories. With flashbacks you usually will feel the emotion you experienced at the time tied to it as well as other sensory input such as smell, touch, sound, etc. I hope this helps. I wish you luck in your healing. You deserve to heal.

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Child Abuse Story From Confused2

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