Child Abuse Story From Confused and Afraid

by Confused and Afraid
(Location Undisclosed)

A few days ago one of my fellow teammates found out about all the problems and situations I've been having. She told me that I should tell someone, either that or she will. So I decided that I would write something online and ask for advice. But when I was writing it for the first time I said that I was her asking people what to tell her to tell me. (I did end up sending it but I never saw it, to know if it really sent or if there was advice) also I felt really bad about it and I thought that it wouldn't make anything better lying that I was someone else. So here is my story....

I'm a freshman going in to my sophomore year in high school. I'm a varsity runner and a member of the school chorus, fencing team and I also help a lot in my church. Over all I'm happy with that, but sadly it gets bad.

When I was born, my father left me, my sister and my mom alone. He abused drugs and alcohol. We were then to move into my grandparents' house. My grandparents are alcoholics and abused my mom. This is where my mother learned how to parent I guess. She has hit me multiple times before. I remember sliding across the floor and being scared to death. There are times when I still feel that way.

When I was 6 years old, my mom then got married to this wonderful guy. Honestly, I loved him. He was the father and parent I never had...or so I thought. Now 9 years later, I cry every single day and night because of the things he says to me. I don't believe in my self anymore. I've lost all my confidence, and whenever I get it back he ruins it. My mother is the same way. For example, if I place in this really big track or xc race, they will ask why I didn't win. They will tell me that I'm nothing to the world if I don't win and try my hardest. They tell me that whenever I make a mistake, that I shouldn't be here and my father says that he should have never adopted me. And sometimes they just tell me that randomly. I don't think I can handle that emotionally anymore. I try to be strong and show that nothing is happening but I don't know how long it's going to last.

There was a night when my father came home drunk; I didn't realize it at the time because I was younger, but I guess my mother had to call up his parents to calm him down. I don't want him to come home one night drunk. I don't want another parent hurting me that way.

My parents are now getting a divorce. My father is really upset and he doesn't take care about anything. I'm forced to watch my brother because he "can't", and my mother is off working all the time and is never home. My brother is 6 years old! I'm 15; I can't even take care of myself. I don't know if I have a house to live in, 'cause of the paperwork. I don't know what school I'm going to at the end of the summer. And even how I'm going to get there! And what about college? My father doesn't care about anything but himself and "his" money. My grandfather has Alzheimer's, and every day I'm afraid. I'm afraid that he is going to think that I'm my mom, and he'll hit me, like he did her. He yells at me and tells me to leave and to get out and away, that he never wants to see me again. I can't handle everyone telling me that I'm worthless.

I don't know what to do anymore. I have to be honest here. I have once or twice drank to get rid of all the problems. But I do know that I should no longer do that. I have also thought of running away, that if I do I would be leaving all my problems. But my teammate (the one I talked about earlier) convinced me not to. But I don't know what to do with the rest of things in my life.

These are just a few of many things that's going on. I'm scared and afraid. I really really hope that I can get advice out of this. Because I don't know what to do if this doesn't work. Thank you for reading this. Thanks you if you're giving me advice. And please, if you have any advice please comment or whatever. I just don't know what to do. Thanks

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