Child Abuse Story From Christine Part 3

by Christine
(Akron, Ohio, USA)

This is the third story I have submitted about my experiences with a psychologically abusive mother who has all the traits and characteristics of a narcissistic parent (see Christine's child abuse story for Installments 1 and 2).

I am 41 years old, and I have finally come to accept the reality of my mother's cruel behavior. She will not suddenly change, accept responsibility or show remorse-ever. I can, however, take responsibility in how I manage the permanent injuries she left in her wake.

I realize that I will always struggle to some degree for the rest of my life. But I have changed my view due to some significant turning points within myself and active research. I realized that by not letting go of the pain and dwelling on her vicious acts, I was allowing her to remain in control. I refused to let her hold the strings to my emotions for the rest of my life.

I confronted her with this two years ago when she pulled one of her sneak attacks by verbally assaulting me. I firmly told her that I would no longer cry and crawl away, I would defend myself. I also explained to her that I would not allow her behavior to affect me or my life. I completely disarmed her, and her shock was obvious. The party was over, and she knew it. She told me to leave her house. I have not seen her since. I guess I wasn't "fun" anymore.

I started reading books and researching on the Internet. I felt comforted that I was not alone in my mother's specific brand of torment. I have discovered that she is a narcissistic parent. I have always felt the frustration in trying to explain the calculated, methodical abuse to others. It is hard for people to grasp that kind of orchestrated abuse. I felt relieved when I discovered that I am not alone and there are common threads among other victims. The hell I lived through actually has a name, something tangible to grasp onto.

I have also faced the unhealthy behaviors I have as a result of my experience. I feel stronger now that I stay vigilant in reversing, modifying and correcting those behaviors. It is tiring at times to have to analyze my perceptions to make sure I maintain a healthy perspective. But I have had many positive outcomes by doing this.

I still have to work on my parenting skills. I am overly permissive with my children out of fear I will hurt their feelings. As a result, they do not respect me. They know I am a pushover. I am not doing them any favors by being this way. I need to step up and be the parent I need to be.

I hope sharing my steps in healing will help other victims. It is not fair that we have to work so hard at life and healing due to another person's actions. But fair or not, it is worth every battle to have some peace in life.

Darlene's comments to this "Child Abuse Story From Christine" can be found below. If you do not see the comments I've written, please be patient, as there is a system glitch regarding comments going live on my site. Christine, I replied to your story June 6, 2008, comments titled "The "struggle" is not necessarily a life sentence..." Keep checking back to this page. I thank you Christine and my other visitors for your understanding while I work at getting this minor malfunction rectified.

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