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Feb 28, 2009
Regrets combined with self-reproach can leave a survivor stunted...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Christi, whenever we look back on our lives most have regrets, and often those regrets come in the form of self-recrimination. When that happens, it is next to impossible to move forward. You were an understandably distraught and troubled young girl as a result of being sexually assaulted by a perverted adult; and as a child in such a desperate state, you did the very best you could. Try not to put adult values on decisions you made and did not make as a child. My god, you were 13 years old; ONLY 13 years old! On a logical level, you must realize how very young that was. But it's the emotional level you are having trouble with.

You were NOT a whore; you were a vulnerable child who wasn't being protected. You were NOT to blame; blame implies intent, and the only one with the intent was this sex offender—blame lies entirely on his shoulders. You WEREN'T "broken goods"; you were wounded and despairing. You desperately needed help, help your parents did ultimately find for you. For that, I give them high praise.

Sex still seems dirty to you because you still need help processing what happened to you. Christi, not all men are like that 23-year-old molester. There are SO many wonderful men out there who wouldn't dream of hurting you in any way. But you don't have a chance to meet any of them as long as this pervert continues to rule your life and control who you are and what you do with your life. As a 30-year-old woman, the kind of counselling you need now is quite different than what you received when you were using and abusing yourself, alcohol and drugs as a teen. If there is a way to enter into therapy, I would strongly recommend that for you. The only thing worse than that child molester taking your innocence and then taking all those years from you is if he takes any more from you.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. I do wish you all the best.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir


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