Child Abuse Story From Chris
by Chris
I don't really know where to start with this because it is hard for anyone to admit that they were sexually abused as a child. However, I have struggled for a couple years now with this issue. I was sexually abused by my cousin when I was a little child. My memory of it is a little blurry, however I can remember the moments that have been pain stricken. I was still in a diaper running around, when I was called up to the bathroom where he sat on the toilet and I was told to touch him in areas that do not need to be told. I guess it never really hit me until my mid twenties. I feel I have accomplished a lot in life. I played professional baseball in Europe, semi-professional in Australia and I am now a certified teacher. I knew I always had a fire and desire in me to do great things, however I never knew why I had an excessive amount of fire/anger in me until my parents found out about me being abused. I was 25 at at the time my parents found out and today I am 28 so this was just recent all of this emotion and thought has entered my body and mind. With my parents finding out and finding out while I was out of the country in Europe wasn't ideal, but I thought it would be dealt with when I went home. This wasn't the case. Today I find myself becoming more frustrated things with life. I am more short with people, more angry, and with all of the crap I hear on the news about the sex scandals in sports, depression in sports, and anything that is related to child abuse, I feel like f***ing killing the perps. I wish I could protect these kids and be sure to deal with the matter instead of brushing it under the rug. I am now taking anti-depressants and feel like I am on a downward spiral. I find myself resenting my family more and more as time goes on and I just don't know how to talk to them about it after everything that has happened. It's really saddening and to be honest I think about the pain I would put my cousin through if I ever saw him again. There is a good 15-20 year difference. I never see that side of the family so there is no awkwardness or moments of tension. But my intuition tells me that the day will come where I will physically face him......then I will have a choice......thoughts race on what choice I would choose. I clearly need to tell my family how I feel. It has never been easy to talk to my family, about anything. It has always been that way as long as I can remember. Additionally, the guilt I feel, the relationships that I've failed, the distance that I keep from people, and anger I feel makes so much sense the more I understand about myself.  Note from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.I hope you'll follow me on:  Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed. |