Child Abuse Story From Chandler

by Chandler
(USA)

My life...it sucked: 
I've never told anyone about this stuff before, except my best friend. I really hope it can help me not be so angry at my family and "get over" it, as my stepdad keeps telling me I need to do.

For the first twelve years of my and my twin-brother's life, we lived in England with our parents. My father was abusive. Whenever he got mad, he would hit us, usually in the face. He and my mother would throw things at us, such as books, coasters, or anything else in reach, for getting in the way. When we actually did something wrong, such as back-talk or not obey them, we would loose "privileges". Usually it would be the "privilege" to eat dinner or sleep in a bed.

I always thought it was normal to be treated like that, and I seriously thought sleeping in a bed was a privilege. I've been home-schooled my whole life, and never had contact with other people. I was shut up in my house all the time.

When I was about 12, my life changed. At first it was for the better, but it didn't stay that way long.

I used to rebel against my parents as much as I could out in public, because I knew they wouldn't hurt me in front of other people, and I was most likely going to sleep in the yard that night anyway. I must have really ticked my dad off. We were out at a neighbourhood dinner thing that my neighbour insisted we go to, even though we never went to those things. My parents had told my bro and I to stay sitting with them and to stay away from the other kids. We did this and listened to the adults talk. They were talking about their kids, and my dad said something about us. I accidentally let the comment "like you care" slip and he pulled me aside. He asked me why I would think that. I asked why I wouldn't. We went on arguing about it for about 3 minutes, when he punched me in the face. He hit me so hard, I was knocked to the ground. One of the neighbours was watching and called the cops on him. He was arrested and went to jail for a few months. He also had to go to parenting classes. He and my mum divorced, and he moved to the States, where he was originally from.

Just a week after my dad was arrested, my mum had her new boyfriend move in, and they later got married. The whole first day he was there, he was really nice to my brother and me. Then my mum took my brother out for a few hours. As soon as they had pulled out of the driveway, my stepdad pushed me to the ground and put his foot on my chest, pinning me to the ground. He told me that he didn't like children and continued on to say very hurtful things to me, and then he kicked me.

When my mum got home, I immediately told her what he had done. She didn't believe me. She ignored me when I begged her to believe me. I then went to my brother, who at the time was my best friend. He too didn't believe me. My stepdad overheard me telling my brother. He pulled me into the study on the opposite side of the house from my mum and bro. He told me that telling on him was the biggest mistake of my life, and beat me with his belt. He told me if I told anyone about it, he would beat me again. I didn't listen to him. I told my mum and bro, showing them the bruises he had left. My mum slapped me and told me to stop blaming my stepfather for my clumsiness.

He continued beating me, almost every day, with his belt and fist in private. After about 6 months, he started abusing me in front of my family. It started with a tap on the back of the head and ended up being the full beatings in front of them. He even had my brother kick me quite often.

After about three years of this, I got the courage to call my father. He had already provided me with his contact information when I was 13, behind my mum's back. I'm not sure why, but he did. When he answered, I told him I couldn't handle living with my mum anymore and I wanted to live with him. He immediately went on-line and bought me a plane ticked to the States.

I kept the flight secret until a week later, the night before it was scheduled. I told my mum I needed a ride to the airport in the morning. She told my stepdad. The beating I received that night was 100xs worse than one I had ever gotten before. As if that wasn't punishment enough, he locked me in the broom closet and told me I was never going to get out. If it wasn't for my brother threatening to call the cops on my stepdad, I would have never gotten on that plane.

When I landed in the States, I was exhausted and covered in bruises from the beating I had gotten. When my dad looked at me, the concern for me he showed in his eyes made me feel safe. As sad as it is, for the first time, I was hugged by one of my parents.

I've been living with him, his wife, and their daughter for about a year now. I've never been hit, put down, or anything like that since. There have been times where my dad pulled his hand up like he was going to hit me, but each time he would step back to where he couldn't reach me and continue whatever argument we were having.

I still haven't told my dad why I moved out of my mum's house, but by the way he acts, I think he knows.

Darlene's reply: Chandler, you showed tremendous strength and courage when you contacted your father. Be very proud of that, because you have everything to BE proud of. You did not allow the beatings from your stepdad and the emotional maltreatment by your mother to take away your sense that you deserved better. And you DID deserve so much better than what you were handed. You deserved loving, caring, nurturing and supportive parents. Parents who would protect you and keep you safe from harm; not parents who themselves put you in harms way. My heart bleeds for the childhood you were robbed of. But it also shines with the knowledge that you stayed strong and true to yourself.

The remainder of Darlene's comments to this "Child Abuse Story From Chandler" can be found below.

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