Child Abuse Story From Cathrine

by Cathrine
(Jacksonville, Florida, USA)

Painful Memories: 
Everything was fine when I had my son, at 18...I knew I had been abused but the memories were supressed. I simply made a vow to never hurt my baby the way I had been hurt. And, I never have...

Ten years later, I had a beautiful baby girl...that's when the horrifying memories reared their ugly heads...suddenly, terrifying dreams and "black outs" began. I could literally see myself as a young girl being beaten, molested, raped, dragged, bruised, bloodied and emotionally destroyed. Although I was sitting on my couch playing with my daughter, something would happen to make me remember. Whether it be a laugh my daughter let out, a position of her hands or her running through the living room, I saw me...I could now remember WHY the smell of cigars made me sick...he would be waiting in my room for me to go to bed. I now know why I don't mind making an extra meal for my kids if they simply didn't like what I prepared....

If I didn't like it as a child, it was poured on my head, then the beating with a cord ensued. The beating was over once she drew blood. All done with the beating? Stand in the toilet; 1st feet 1st, 2nd head 1st. This cleansed me. All clean???!! Down the stairs into the basement you go...head first. Stay there until you want to eat. Of course I would come back up to eat. I was hungry. All done! Now, go to bed. He is waiting for you. You are a disgusting half breed and a whore. UP the stairs to my bedroom I go. As she promised, he IS waiting for me. Cigar fumes coming from my room. QUICK!! Get under the blankets and pretend to be asleep. Maybe he will only touch me and not rip my body apart. It didn't work. He knows I am awake. It's late now and he is gone. I am going to put my little table in front of the bedroom door so he can't get back in. I am going to sleep. I have school tomorrow. When I get home from school, the cycle will repeat itself. I am 5. The age of my daughter today.

I don't know why I decided to do this. I have been on this PC all morning reading stories, crying. I want the memories to go away.

Note from Darlene: I regret that I can no longer continue the practice of commenting on visitor submissions to the degree I have in the past, as I am currently writing a book on healing from child abuse. I ask that you please read my post of June 24, 2009 titled Announcement Regarding my Comments for a complete explanation. I welcome you to follow my progress on my Facebook page at Healing from Child Abuse. When you get there, don't forget to click onto the Become a Fan link. I do hope to hear from you there.

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